I agree that detaching is necessary. I know I found it that a monumental task.
I was doing quite well for many, many months when my H contacted me again on our anniversary. I calmly told him I did not feel further contact was appropriate and to please respect my feelings. I blocked him from my phone so he went to e-mail. I asked him once again to respect my boundaries and blocked him from e-mail. Then he called his attny to let him know *I* was violating the separation agreement (our agreement states we cannot block necessary communication - sadly "necessary" is not defined clearly - with one another regarding marital or financial business). No more money to fight or respond via the attnys, in large part because my H found a loophole to keep our assets frozen.
Healing and detaching go hand in hand (for me at least) and I needed space after a very long legal battle to regroup and detach and rebuild. Any contact with him sets me back because I am not quite at the point where he doesn't upset me. I can spot "script" a mile away on any thread - I need to polish my skills in that area with my own H.
So we keep working and making our goals and learning from our setbacks and celebrating our victories.
