I know you hurt and I am so very, very sorry. I know the very hurt you speak of (we all do) and I wish I had a magic pill to make it all better (well, I *do* have magic pills that make things feel better but that wears off in about 24 hours ...
It is okay after such an intense mediation that brought things to a legal close you are unsure how to feel or what to do next. My goodness... you are a human being, not a robot! Several years of uncertainty and marital discourse was brought to a close in 6 hours. Give yourself a break!
Sometimes when we ask God for help we feel let down because the help is delivered to us in a way that we don't clearly see. I think your son will be an amazing source of strength and light for you.
It will take a long time to grasp all of this. Hell, I had an appt. this morning in a building next to the family court building and I almost had a panic attack right on the street! I saw all the divorce attnys milling around and people talking strategy and glaring at their spouses and I just wanted to scream at *something*. These wounds are deep and frequently reopened during the viscous legal cycle.
...