I become passionate when I read stories like yours because I have a story like yours. Had I listened I might not have been so emotionally destroyed I became physically ill and was hospitalized multiple times (one of those times was due to my clinical panic disorder that manifested due to stress with my situation so I wasn't talking out of my ass about your panic attacks).
Just as recently as a few months ago my W was going through similar situation. The anxiety attacks crippled her days at the time. She thought that something more serious may be going on. SHe behaved like bipolar, yelling screaming and knocking things.
She was right in the middle of the walkaway phase, partying drinking and on a total path of self destruction.
I was the cause of her misery. She wanted nothing to do with me. The more I chased, the deeper she sank. There was NOTHING I could say or do except to detach.
Although still in the house I left her to be and started spending time with myself. It was painful to watch and painful to be helpless but with the quick and solid advice from the folks here I managed.
There is no happy ending for me yet, but I am not focusing on the outcome but rather on the process. The process has worked. She is in peace with herself, has stopped medications, drinks moderately again, spends time at home and most importantly we both enjoy our company more than ever.
If we stay together only time will tell, but I would never find out if I don't "let her go".
