My rule of thumb became, as long as H was still addicted to the drama, he wasn't "done." During Replay, there was the drama of reinventing his life (new clothing looks, new hobbies, new sportscar & motorcycle dealers to hang out with regularly) and of the OW (oh she was wonderful! Oh he felt guilty! And wasn't he a hero for "fixing" her unhappy and drama-filled life!). There was also drama whenever he came home and started yelling at somebody (though he claimed that everyone else just caused him to be upset; he wasn't angry until....). He had various scans at the doctor because he had aches and pains that he was convinced were the beginnings of dangerous health conditions. He adored gossip.
At his Awakening, there was a flurry of remorse and intense nightly talks with me, and then a break-up with the OW. During Depression the drama became a lot darker--even if everyone else could get over withdrawal from and OW in 3 weeks to 6 months, what if he was NEVER able to get over her? What if he felt that miserable for the rest of his life? Should he drive his car into a tree on the way to work? He secretly started seeing OW again, this time being picture-perfect jolly Dad doing fun stuff whenever he was with us, because he hoped he could find a perfect balance while keeping both OW and his family.
During Withdrawal, he hardly talked to me, but had intense talks with OW about all his drama. He confided all his woes regularly to a young female co-worker, and even shared all his woes with a boss well known for being the biggest gossip in the industry.
During the first year of Acceptance, he still had periods when he'd talk feverishly about the need to move to another country, buy that sportscar or reinvent his life in some other way, and I knew he was doing some more processing. Sometimes the physical pains and the woe-is-me attitude would also reappear. Phonecalls would begin with, "Is anything exciting happening there?"
However, the more he became like "his old self" and the more satisfaction he was taking from his life, the less he seemed to need drama. Has anyone else noticed this?
