"All that, made me believe for years I was the lucky one and that showed in my eyes, the amdiration, the appreciation. H got in an affair when I started criticising him, when my tired body changed my mood, when I got fed up with deaths, sicknesses and his schedule. When I lost that admiration for him. He went out and found it. He went for the quick fix.
Now, I think that kills him. The fact that I am not proud to have him as my H,that I am reluctant to believe his good intentions, now that his word is questionable. I know that is a love killer and try to "water it down", I am trying to always be aware of how he sees himself in my eyes but there isnt much I can do since I still have major issues... I feel for him."
The danger is that key thing he craves (respect/admiration) which caused him to have an affair is still not back on track, so ... more work to do. But the good part is you still seem to have a lot of admiration left which is probably why you "settled".
Are you doing all you can to avoid getting stressed out that way again? And have you really explored this thing called "forgiveness"? After all when you went out and in a way "cheated" on him he probably sensed it - would you tell him this?
One of the things I realized is that the thing call "love" means so many different things to different people. But for me it translates to "commitment" - for better or worse, ... Otherwise marriage is a sham.
