But seriously, do we evaluate our relationship based on the negatives or do we include the positives, too?
Actions. She moved out, and she took the kids, and doesn't let him see them and refuses to get on a co-parenting calendar even. She has retained an attorney and has initiated the divorce process.
She isn't calling him up and asking him out to dinner. She's hinted around about things enough so that he's been effectively warned that she's going for primary custody with as little time as possible with dad.
Not saying things will always be this way, but it is what it is, right? It's not like it's hard to read these things or that she's sending mixed signals.
I'm all for being fun, charming, empathetic, and so on. Being foolish and not protecting yourself, however, isn't being charming or even wise.
Right. The negatives are compelling. All I said is that you must include consideration of the positives in order to give your R a fair shot, though it's a lot easier to shoot down a relationship if you only consider the negatives.
I remember being in chambers with a senior family court judge who related a conversation he had with a judge who was on the criminal calendar. The judge told him that in criminal court he got to see bad people on their best behavior, but that in family court the judge in question got to see good people on their worst behavior.
That is not to defend DSH's W's behavior or to say that he is wrong in his eval of his R. It just makes the point that these sitches can bring out the worst in people and I don't think any of us deserve to be judged solely on our worst behavior unless that behavior has always defined us or is a large component of our personality.
I'm sure DSH has taken everything into consideration for himself, though.
