"She's also after friendship". Again I think this is a joke. I think what she is looking for, as what most WAS's are looking for, is for you to AGREE with her that what she is doing is ok. Because you were so "horrible" she is JUSTIFIED in "walking away". Not wanting to do "THE WORK" is no excuse for destroying a family.
I agree that the friendship is to ease her guilt. She expects us to be friends forever and co-parent like good friends. I just don't get that - how can she think that? She wants to destroy our M and wreck our S4's home life but she wants to stay friends?
She's hurt me beyond belief. I've done the same to her whether I agree with it or not. It is how she feels and that is valid for her. She feels guilty that she's breaking this home apart when I'm willing to do the work required to fix it. That's definitely guilt that is driving this.
I remember just 4 days ago when she broke down and said she'd come home after I put my foot down and told her to get a job and a L because I wasn't paying for anymore than my fair share of this. I think for my own clarification I need to recap the last 4 days....
1. I told her she is not going to Retrouvaille. 2. She pursues and tries to reason. Gets upset. Comes over. 3. I lay down the law in anger saying she needs a job and L because we're going to court. 4. She breaks down, says she'll come home. 5. I say no way in hell if she doesn't meet my boundaries. Explained transparency, MC, IC were my boundaries. 6. She says she will abide by those. But she will always hate me for this. 7. I say then don't come home. 8. She says she hates me, despises me, thinks I'm a monster. Emotional Blackmail. 9. I fall for it. She says she'll go to Retrouvialle. 10. Start driving to Retro, she balks and goes ballistic in the car with me and says take me home I'm not going. 11. I take her to my house to get her car. She breaks again and says take everything including son 100%. Goes in the house, tries to find the gun and tries to take a bottle of tylenol. 12. I rescue her, tell her everything is going to be OK. We will work this out in mediation or together. 13. She says ok. Calms down. Holds me. Says she will go to Retro if we are going down that path. 14. Get to Retro she doesn't cooperate. I say we're leaving. 15. Let her go in the car on the drive back home. 16. Get home, I say we're dividing it all up right now. Complete division within 3 hours. 17. ML for the first time in 4 months. 18. We rekindle our love for each other since we're free and we begin the reconstruction of our R. She says she will honor our vows and work on herself during this time. 19. She comes back to me and says she doesn't have enough $$$. I act cold. She gets angry and upset that I don't treat her with respect that she helped me in my career up until now by being a SAHM. Says nothing has changed and she doesn't trust me. 20. I'm here..... not sure what to do.....
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
There are many people not suprised that things have gone this way for you. Many have given up answering your questions because at the tiniest glimmer of something positive, you go back to square one and start this all over again.
You're wearing us out, John
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Yes re read your thread, you are still obsessing, I have typed that so many times the E and S are wearing off on my keyboard. I am not trying to make light of this John, but TH is right, you overlook what other people have written, especially even the women on this board that give you the woman's perspective, which is that she playing games, being nice and still manipulating you. YOu come off so strong at times with your boundaries, then you constantly question yourself and what you learn here.
15. Let her go in the car on the drive back home. 16. Get home, I say we're dividing it all up right now. Complete division within 3 hours. 17. ML for the first time in 4 months. 18. We rekindle our love for each other since we're free and we begin the reconstruction of our R. She says she will honor our vows and work on herself during this time.
Just reading that gave me a headache.
She is toxic and unstable and you keep playing right into her insanity, dude.
You guys went from fighting about going to Retro, going to Retro, her losing it at Retro, you "letting go" (which you didn't) in the car, going home diving things and then having sex or "making love" as you call it.
That is not making love.
In the words of great (lol) Dane...
:smack:
Originally Posted By: Dane
YOU ARE BEING PLAYED!!!
This is NOT a healthy relationship. I will say it over and over again, GO SEE A LAWYER.
Doesn't get any clearer then that. Sandi had said she would eventually use SEX to CONTROL you and she did. What evidence do you need?? This is like the story of the flood. I started posting you again when I saw that you had started standing up for yourself. Now you are back to making it about her.
Focus on YOU and your short/long term goals. Like getting a temp custody agreement in place. Until then nothing else matters.
Talking about her is fine. It's to be expected but the problem here is you have not let go.
You are holding on for dear life to the handlebars of a bike that has no brakes. And she views you as doing this with a smile on your face and the hope in your heart that the bike isn't going to crash ever while it's going full speed ahead down a steep hill.
Jump off the bike, John. It will hurt like hell but if you don't get off, you're going to end up mangled in the emergency room with injuries far worse than they should be.
