Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

I agree that the friendship is to ease her guilt. She expects us to be friends forever and co-parent like good friends. I just don't get that - how can she think that? She wants to destroy our M and wreck our S4's home life but she wants to stay friends?

She's hurt me beyond belief. I've done the same to her whether I agree with it or not. It is how she feels and that is valid for her. She feels guilty that she's breaking this home apart when I'm willing to do the work required to fix it. That's definitely guilt that is driving this.

I remember just 4 days ago when she broke down and said she'd come home after I put my foot down and told her to get a job and a L because I wasn't paying for anymore than my fair share of this. I think for my own clarification I need to recap the last 4 days....

1. I told her she is not going to Retrouvaille.
2. She pursues and tries to reason. Gets upset. Comes over.
3. I lay down the law in anger saying she needs a job and L because we're going to court.
4. She breaks down, says she'll come home.
5. I say no way in hell if she doesn't meet my boundaries. Explained transparency, MC, IC were my boundaries.
6. She says she will abide by those. But she will always hate me for this.
7. I say then don't come home.
8. She says she hates me, despises me, thinks I'm a monster. Emotional Blackmail.
9. I fall for it. She says she'll go to Retrouvialle.
10. Start driving to Retro, she balks and goes ballistic in the car with me and says take me home I'm not going.
11. I take her to my house to get her car. She breaks again and says take everything including son 100%. Goes in the house, tries to find the gun and tries to take a bottle of tylenol.
12. I rescue her, tell her everything is going to be OK. We will work this out in mediation or together.
13. She says ok. Calms down. Holds me. Says she will go to Retro if we are going down that path.
14. Get to Retro she doesn't cooperate. I say we're leaving.
15. Let her go in the car on the drive back home.
16. Get home, I say we're dividing it all up right now. Complete division within 3 hours.
17. ML for the first time in 4 months.
18. We rekindle our love for each other since we're free and we begin the reconstruction of our R. She says she will honor our vows and work on herself during this time.
19. She comes back to me and says she doesn't have enough $$$. I act cold. She gets angry and upset that I don't treat her with respect that she helped me in my career up until now by being a SAHM. Says nothing has changed and she doesn't trust me.
20. I'm here..... not sure what to do.....