My buddy and I were talking last night, he has a WA fiance and of course you know my sitch. But we discussed what a relationship really means? We both felt that a relationship is in a nutshell companionship. So we talked about what "good" things are WA's brought to the R or M? neither one of us could really answer that question? We are both guys, and yes we both feel like pigs becasue the only thing we both feel is not "in place" right now is the frequent physical interaction. Not just sex but hugs, kisses just the "in general" physical side.
So I thought I would start a thread so people could reflect on what they truly are missing in the M or R?
Exactly what I am trying to get at, we miss the companionship, we miss the norm the comfort of the R, when it was good. But I can tell you I dont miss the last 6 months of my M. It was ugly full of tension and we were both unhappy.
HIH, my W has a great laugh as well, but what I am trying to really understand is what psoitive attributes did she really bring to the R? With all that has gone on in my M in a short period of time, I cant think of more than 1 or 2, and it puts me in a place where I can say, I dont think I would marry this woman.
When I see my W today (no, I'm not out of the woods yet) - the way she talks to me, the way she looks me in the eye, the way she smiles and laughs I see a growing dose of respect, admiration and attraction.
If you asked me a month ago what do I miss, I would have made a long list. But know I have realized that I don't miss anything. If you fed me rice for a year and stopped it I would miss rice. But then you gave me a steak, why would I want to go back to rice?
I miss the looks he used to give me when we shared an inside joke. I miss the jokes in general. I miss talking about nothing but still smiling at the end for some reason. I miss the teasing nicknames. He just made me happy, complete. Not for a while, but even now I still see moments of it, where i feel right just being near him. It kills me that he doesn't feel that anymore.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Okay, but there must have been aspects of her personality that lit you up. They may not be quantifiable, but they are why you fell in love.
In terms of what the WA brings to the relationship, that can be part of the problem. The things that lit you up are no longer doing that, or even occurring so you are left with a cost-benefit analysis of the relationship. Every spouse thinks they bring more to the relationship than the other even though that might seem absurd to their partner.
When I do a cost-benefit analysis regarding my WAW, she doesn't do very well as a partner, and that would have to change for me for the R to ever work again. But when we are connecting, and we still do, the spark is there. We make each other laugh. I can still send her into a giggling fit and still do it pretty often.
Okay, but there must have been aspects of her personality that lit you up. They may not be quantifiable, but they are why you fell in love.
In terms of what the WA brings to the relationship, that can be part of the problem. The things that lit you up are no longer doing that,
DSH? It could be that his wife is executing a plan that involves taking his kids away, not letting him see them much at all, and divorcing him.
Kind of hard for that stuff to light you up
I have yet to hear, "the way to a mans heart is to take his children, keep him from seeing them much, and divorce him". Must be a reason that isn't a plattitude
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/15/1004:36 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am sure if I can adequately tell you w/o bias of the last 10 weekds seething in. My W did not cook, she was a student, therefore, she really did not contribute financially to the M. However, she was always there for me. When I did not get that last promotion she held me so tight that I could barely breathe. The way she looked at me with tears in her eyes I could tell that she was the one person that I could count on to be there for me when the going got tough.
However, this last 2.5 months where she has not communicated with me has hurt me more than I could have ever express. Who knows her reasoning behind her going dark for so long. I have done a lot of reflecting these last few months and I am not angry at her because she left. He!! I would have left months earlier if I were in her shoes. But now she's gone and it appears that we are headed down the path of D.
Okay, but there must have been aspects of her personality that lit you up. They may not be quantifiable, but they are why you fell in love.
In terms of what the WA brings to the relationship, that can be part of the problem. The things that lit you up are no longer doing that,
DSH? It could be that his wife is executing a plan that involves taking his kids away, not letting him see them much at all, and divorcing him.
Kind of hard for that stuff to light you up
I have yet to hear, "the way to a mans heart is to take his children, keep him from seeing them much, and divorce him". Must be a reason that isn't a plattitude
Well, she's still trying to light him up. It's just in a different way.
But seriously, do we evaluate our relationship based on the negatives or do we include the positives, too? That's how WAS make the case against the marriage. They focus on the negatives and minimize or deny the positive. Of course, in this case, the negatives may certainly outweigh the positives, it's just not a fair evaluation unless you consider the pluses, too.
