In my situation, my wife was expirimenting with cheating on me. I have Yahoo instant messenger chats from the year 2007 which was the first time her affair actually confirmed.
The chats have her talking with a single friend of hers, who was egging her on to cheating on me. My wife expressed a guilt in early chats, but later her friend gave her the encouragement she needed to do this right. "Just don't listen to anything your husband says. Listen to your lover"...
Many years later, this has not changed and has been reason for a many of our problems.
Before and during the confirmed affair, my wife was growing increasingly abusive. I'm talking physical, emotional and mental abuse. At its worst, the abuse was not in spurts, it was ongoing and never-endingt.
For the affair that I know of, there was a certain evil pride my wife ugained in knowing she was "beating" me. So a portion of the affair was the selfish lust, and another portion of it was I could not stop her and the prideful arrogance that comes with it.
I have reason to suspect she had actually been cheating several years before I had an actual confirmation.
So you have a guy who has been waiting 5+ years, being loyoal, looking into "his world" as his wife defined it for him. And it was stressful, a hell in itself.
When I went to get help, she did not want to participate. I've heard every sort of deflating or negative comment or come-back that exists. Portions of the abuse were designed for her to inflate her ego, before she went out to a club for example. It was pretty bad. Because I am a man, I am not supposed to say anything. Its not right.
So after watching her abuse me so bad and cheat on me to the point of my libido decreasing and losing my erection power. Watching my mojo decline. Going in for help, having hanged in there year after year...
I went ahead and cheated. And technically the short affair did work. It was amazing at how quickly it worked. Getting the new sex allowed me to see clearly. I was no longer focused on the pain and the world as my wife defined it for me, but future possibilities.
I STILL WANT HER. She would have to treat me well to get me back. Any one who props her up and supports her current phisod. Who supports her abuse of me, is casting stones at "my family".... Oh... Its not mine, I forgot.
So I hope you can take back your comments after I've given you additional information and clarification to whats going on.
Oh... If I put my wife in a SSM position due to a mental issue or physical problem, after a certain amount of time I would expect her to cheat. If I love her, I would probably want her to because it would be better for her.
Its always easier to understand when the shoe is on the other foot.
Originally Posted By: SillyOldBear
Your wife did not flip the situation so that you looked like the bad guy when you had an affair. YOU flipped the situation so that you looked like the bad guy BY having an affair. You gave her a new reason (a valid one) to want anything but sex with you. I'm not trying to be unnecessarily brutal about this, but it was a bad move and you're selling it to others as a solution.
And I'm sorry to say this, because I know where you're coming from, but your equation of your wife's lack of desire for you and her refusal to have sex with you with "abuse" is a symptom in itself. Nobody has ever abused anybody by not having sex with him or not wanting to have sex with him, and it only feels that way to people like you and me who are way too wrapped up in a sex-starved mindset.
