My kids are the primary reason I haven't jumped ship yet. I know it might not be right but if I can focus on them, that's reason enough to keep pushing through to fix my M. Yes I know if the worst happens that I will do everything to ease them through it but if I can do anything to keep them from having to go through it I will try.
Doodi
Here's where I think consideration of the children should come in. When spouses get to "this point," they often don't "feel" like doing the work. Frankly, I'm finding myself at that point now. That's where reason should come in if the pluses of the relationship exceed the minuses and the issues are not objectively insurmountable. However, we place an extraordinary amount of weight on whatever we are CURRENTLY feeling (learned optimism notwithstanding) and some cannot reason past the negative feelings that are often cultivated as a defense mechanism to the pain in the relationship.
If the relationship is long term, not destructive, and involves children, there is nothing wrong with doing the work on the marriage because of your feelings for the children, even if you do not feel it for yourself as long as your doing the work for the children, not staying for the children.
Did I make the distinction clear enough? You do the work on the marriage for the children that you might not do just for yourself because reason tells you it's the right thing to do and your feelings for your children help you overcome the feelings that prevents you from working on the relationship. It's not that you stay in a bad R because of the children.
