A new beginning to an end

[soleil]

Hey everyone. This morning on my way to work, I slid right off the wrong into a bunch of trees/woods. I was very shaken up. By the grace of God, nothing happened to me and I miraculously am...ok! My car will need repairs though, I took out an entire huge tree that was on the road and found car parts later, including my license plate which came completely off and was doubled over. When it rains, it pours. I have been thinking about all this crazy stuff (my speeding ticket 2 weeks ago, court last week for D stuff, H calling me, and this accident). But I am ok which is what matters!

My boundary has remained the same and I will not waiver on my stance. I don't talk/date/get to know men that have live in lovers even if the man happens to be my husband.

I like this

I tell you all of this to illustrate to you the importance of setting boundaries with WAS's that will manipulate you until the day they die if you allow it.
Your H very well might be having second thoughts or maybe he is just following a plan set forth by his attny. Let him sort all of that out and keep your boundary in place.

Great words of advice.

"Talk is cheap. Unless you start acting on what you say I'm not interested in having these conversations. As for the D I'm sorry but the D seals the deal for me...there's no "us" after the D. It's a matter of pricinpal and integrity."

"It is inappropriate for me to be your emotional support while we are getting D or vice versa. That really doesn't work for me. We aren't working on an R together -- there isn't an R for us to work on right now, so for now I need to keep things strictly business."

Romeo & CTH, I agree and this is what I was telling him/trying to convey when I told him I felt it wase wrong for him to call mje when we're D'ing, that I won't be offering him emotional support through this and that after D, there is no more "US" for me.

It is so selfish IMO for him to tell me he wants to work stuff out after the D. It's ridiculous!

Romeo, my mother also thinks he is calling me so that we the D can go momre in his favor. He actually said to me "I don't want your $, Sol." And I was like, "But that is why you took me to court. You were SUING me for half the mortgage." Surely he knows this and it's unbelievable he'd think I didn't know why the heck we were in court anyway! He told me he thinks my L talked to his L about postponing our court date to get more $ out of us. At court, my L told me that day he couldn't believe it was postponed and wouldn't charge me more (but that H will have more fees each time he goes back to court, etc).

OMG Sol... My H said this to me a few months ago. "We can always just get married again." WTF? No way jose!! Right now, I don't see how that's possible!!

Right. Because planning wedding #2 to/with the men who are D'ing us just sounds so romantic. ::insert eyeroll::

CTH, it is hard to even conceive "being friends" with the one person who's broken your heart. In your sitch, you guys have children and have to co-parent so it is probably best to try to get along as amicably as possible for the kiddos. I know your hearts hurts a lot but it will get better in time. ((( CTH )))

[soleil]

Hey everyone. This morning on my way to work, I slid right off the *road* into a bunch of trees/woods. I was very shaken up. By the grace of God, nothing happened to me and I miraculously am...ok! My car will need repairs though, I took out an entire huge tree that was on the road and found car parts later, including my license plate which came completely off and was doubled over. When it rains, it pours. I have been thinking about all this crazy stuff (my speeding ticket 2 weeks ago, court last week for D stuff, H calling me, and this accident). But I am ok which is what matters!

My boundary has remained the same and I will not waiver on my stance. I don't talk/date/get to know men that have live in lovers even if the man happens to be my husband.

I like this

I tell you all of this to illustrate to you the importance of setting boundaries with WAS's that will manipulate you until the day they die if you allow it.
Your H very well might be having second thoughts or maybe he is just following a plan set forth by his attny. Let him sort all of that out and keep your boundary in place.

Great words of advice.

"Talk is cheap. Unless you start acting on what you say I'm not interested in having these conversations. As for the D I'm sorry but the D seals the deal for me...there's no "us" after the D. It's a matter of pricinpal and integrity."

"It is inappropriate for me to be your emotional support while we are getting D or vice versa. That really doesn't work for me. We aren't working on an R together -- there isn't an R for us to work on right now, so for now I need to keep things strictly business."

Romeo & CTH, I agree and this is what I was telling him/trying to convey when I told him I felt it wase wrong for him to call mje when we're D'ing, that I won't be offering him emotional support through this and that after D, there is no more "US" for me.

It is so selfish IMO for him to tell me he wants to work stuff out after the D. It's ridiculous!

Romeo, my mother also thinks he is calling me so that we the D can go momre in his favor. He actually said to me "I don't want your $, Sol." And I was like, "But that is why you took me to court. You were SUING me for half the mortgage." Surely he knows this and it's unbelievable he'd think I didn't know why the heck we were in court anyway! He told me he thinks my L talked to his L about postponing our court date to get more $ out of us. At court, my L told me that day he couldn't believe it was postponed and wouldn't charge me more (but that H will have more fees each time he goes back to court, etc).

OMG Sol... My H said this to me a few months ago. "We can always just get married again." WTF? No way jose!! Right now, I don't see how that's possible!!

Right. Because planning wedding #2 to/with the men who are D'ing us just sounds so romantic. ::insert eyeroll::

CTH, it is hard to even conceive "being friends" with the one person who's broken your heart. In your sitch, you guys have children and have to co-parent so it is probably best to try to get along as amicably as possible for the kiddos. I know your hearts hurts a lot but it will get better in time. ((( CTH )))

[ImprovedRomeo]

Oh goodness Sol! I'm glad you're alright!! Yes, that's all that matters, everything else is replaceable.

Taking corners at 90mph when it's raining is never fun unless you're at the race track.

Sorry about the car but hopefully the insurance will take care of it? Is it driveable? Taking out a tree makes it sound serious but hopefully it's not.

[CityGirl]

Oh, Sol... how frightening and I so happy to hear you are okay!

It's amazing how things keep piling up. Today though the only thing that matters is that you are okay!

You should see a dr. and get checkout to be on the safe side.

[soleil]

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I actually was not even driving fast but not focused and voila.

My car is not driveable and I will be driving a rental til it's fixed.

Thank God I always wear my seatbelt

[brenalim]

When it rains, it pours, right? I'm glad you're safe sol.

When's your next court date?

[soleil]

No court for TWO months, Brena. Incredible right? This seems so odd to me considernig H was able to sched a court date within two weeks of notifying me and all of a sudden there is now a 2-month wait. I just want this to go fast.

[brenalim]

Yeah... I wanted things to go fast too. Now its here. I don't quite know what to do.

Did you ever find out why the delay? Make sure you're asking for your H to cover your court/lawyer costs! This is what he wanted, right? He should pay for it!

[soleil]

^ Didn't find out yet but emailed the court asking why. My H's L came out in the hallway and said it was becaus the judge wouldn't hear the case that day, tough everyone else's cases were only 1-2 minutes long! (a total of about 15 minutes, max all together!). H called me over weekend and said judge said "reschedule it." Idk what is going on. It seem sso bizarre. And I did stipulate that I want him to pay my L fees. It is his D, after all

Been having a lousy past two days. I just want to wake up on e day and not think about him or talk about him. I think my heart will be in a bad place for a long time. I can feel it.

[whatisis]

This court stuff will take it out of you, Sol! It's representing the end of something you valued greatly. It's a sad and stressful time. But, just remember that it is just a time and there will be better times ahead. You'll make it! You mentioned about looking into AD's, have you done so yet? I'm not necessarily advocating, just asking.