I'm going to throw my $.02 in and hope it helps. I'm actually a WAW (that hasn't left yet) and so I kinda get where your wife is coming from.
The snooping thing...yeah that was a big f#ck up. But what's done is done. My H did it to me and I lost it. It is not only controlling but it will damage the trust between the two of you. Even if you had found something what were you going to do with it? It's hard as hell to sit back and not know what's going on but you've already said you can't control her so try to look more at the positives (even if they are super small). I mean I know she is sleeping in different rooms but at least she is still in the house...that's something. Try to find the positive and hang on to that next time the anxieties hit.
The kids/house thing...that might be just her. In my sitch I have told H that what I really need is for him to focus on him and give me a little time and patience to work through this. I would think that if your W hasn't really been complaining about your involvement with the kids/house then maybe you should focus on something that has been bothering her. Too many changes to fast may seem short lived and possibly fake to her.
Just my opinion, Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
