^ Yep. And everyone's perception is their own truth. So who is to say that what one person things is wrong/right?
Children and adults are not comparable so that is moot. A child needs an adult to nurture and make the best decisions for them, an adult can do this freely on their own.
If one spouse wants a D and files, that is their choice.
People always say "Why would you watn to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you" and it's true. (although hard to take in).
If a spouse has said they want a D but has taken no action, my advice is for the other NOT to file, work on themselves and the M and let the other one know they do not want a D and want to save the M, are willing to do anything to make it work.
If the other spouse files anyway, then you need to protect yourself.
Letting them go is crucial in this case.
If they haven't filed, I see that as a positive.
Originally Posted By: MakingProgress
So, do we give them what they want just because we love them?
You let them go because 1. you love them and 2. you love YOURSELF enough not to let yourself be dragged.
Originally Posted By: MakingProgress
Can we believe them when they say what they want, even if they haven't filed themselves?
If they haven't filed, I see that as a positive. And, their actions are indicative of what they are feeling. Always remember, actions, not words.
Originally Posted By: MakingProgress
Even if they really want it, should we facilitate it?
Each sitch is different. There are folks who had a spouse leave and say they wanted a D yet never took action, so they filed themselve. There are others who never filed but their spouse did.
Originally Posted By: MakingProgress
Or, should we just let them know we are good with it, but not move it along any faster than it would otherwise go?
It's not about being "good" with it. It's about accepting the fact that the WAS doesn't want to be with you anymore. If you have communicated you want it to work and they continue to tell you they don't, you have to learn to accept it, eventhough it sucks and isn't what YOU want. But again, I would not advise filing if you do not want the D.
