So no word from my W in regard to my first email response last night where I told her that I was okay with the D and that I wanted her to be happy and I deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with me; and the letter that Coach helped me with that I sent this afternoon.
I thought about flipping the switch a week or two ago, but I thought that was the wrong move. I know that I need to lead I just don't know what my next move is. I meet with the L on Thursday to actually make the move I told my W that I already made. So I guess I am leading or in a dead heat. However, she is racing to leave the M track and I want her to stay on the M track....right now we are going in her direction.
I need to read HT's thread to understand the dynamics that I am in. As far as I know there is no OM yet because she modified her profile on the dating site recently. I am still posting things on the alt in the hopes that she goes there.
I just finshed working out and now on this site to gain knowledge and a clearer perspective. What do I do next?
I meant TH's dog and his intestinal problems. I actually slept well last night after my W's email. Although, it was not the outcome that I desired I at least had some closure.
I didn't want to tell a fib about seeing a L today and filing paperwork, but if it helps the sitch with a little rope a dope then so be it. The counter intuitive measures are more than I realize.
So I just received and email from my W regarding the emails that I sent earlier today. "Hi H, Do you still want to use a mediator or should I have my own lawyer. I don't know what is the best and the cheapest way to go about this?" W.
I have gotten more emails from my W in the last two days than I have the last 10 weeks. I do not plan to respond tonight. I would appreciate advice from all of you out there on how and what I should say.
The mediator would be cheaper and would possibly give my face time with my W. Lawyers will cost more $$ and I would probably not get the opportunity to get face time with my W.
I would probably not get the opportunity to get face time with my W.
Because who doesn't want to spend time looking at somebody who wants to divorce you and is telling you they want nothing to do with you?
Odd motivation. Your motivation is still all wrong. Why do you still want to chase somebody who wants to divorce you?
That's something about YOU that you need to figure out.
She's sending you emails about divorce details, and what is your conclusion? That you've got more emails from her, and that makes you happy? Not that I'm knocking happy, but women telling me they are suing me doesn't usually do it for me.
Why don't you have an attorney yet? Give me a good reason why. This "money" angle is all wrong when a mistake could cost $$$.
I have heard the money angle used far too often, and then the spouse gets and attorney, and then the LBS is playing catch-up.
I believe Coach gave you an idea that went something like, "Thanks, I have it all under control and already have an attorney. I'll give him your attorney information. Who are you using?".
Something like that anyway.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/15/1010:25 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am not happy about the sitch that I am in. I joked because I receieved more emails in 2 days than I had in 1o weeks. I took the approach that Coach recommended to show confidence by leading in this sitch. I spoke with a couple of L yesterday and they told me that I set myself up pretty well with the pre-nup so that she cannot take advantage of me financially and tha D would move pretty fast through the system. I scheduled an appointment with a L on Thursday.
I took verbatum what the Coach recommended that I say. I'm showing confidence to my W by leading in this sitch. MY W is sitting back spinning her wheels wanting me (as usual) to tell her what to do "should I get a L or we get a Mediator, which is better?" She has only spoken with a L....that all so far!
Therefore, I'm asking for advice. Do I hire my own L? What are the advantages and disadvantages or do I work with my W using a Mediator? She can see the "old" me 60 pounds lighter, weight training and confident! Or we can go mano on mano with L?
I thought I would email her today and tell her that I will contact my L and put things on hold until I have time to contact a Mediator to find out the advantages. I must show confidence by taking the lead. But I am leading to a place that I don't want to go to!
So you are telling me you sent Coach's response verbatim, and she didn't get back to you with the name of her attorney? She hasn't retained this person?
Your attorney--if you had one--would want to know the name of her attorney. I know that from experience. If one of you files, the other attorney can get that from the court records then.
So basically... she didn't answer your question? And she's asking YOU what to do? Well, then now you are leading. Where you going?
I can't tell you what to do. If it were me, I'd like both me and my estranged spouse to have lawyers so that I never have to talk about legal crap. That's me.
So my response to her asking if she were my wife would probably be, "Hey, I don't think you should be taking legal advice from me, considering....".
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/15/1011:45 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am leading to a destination that I Don't want to go to! That is the reason for my yell out for Advice. I don't know what to do? I didn't respond last night because I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing.
One more thing here while we await other responses:
Don't be afraid of divorce. You can always delay getting it placed on the docket, then you can get it extended (up to 6 months in my state), and then if you divorce anyway, and it doesn't work out, you can always re-marry
What does HIH really want? Do you want somebody who doesn't want you? I, personally, am leaning toward retain a L and then file, she hires her own L, and then see what happens. That's me though. I wouldn't be happy with waiting around for her to figure out what she is going to do.
Mediation is another possibility. What do you need mediated?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/15/1012:00 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
