cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Still having brief moments of saddness this week. Maybe it is because I know soon my M will be over. Maybe after months of detaching and trying to feel nothing, the pushed away emotions are coming up. Who knows? I definitely feel like I can't express to anyone who is living how hurt and sad I feel because everyone just tells me how I am better off and how he is the one who did this. I understand it was his choices that forced my hand, but it still hurts.

I was thinking on the way in to work how I feel like I failed. I know in my head I didn't, but my heart hurts. I think it must be like a doctor who tries everything in his power to help his patient just to have the patient die. I am sure the doctor feels bad, but knows he did everything possible to help the patient. I feel the same way. I know I tried everything to fix this marriage, but ultimately if H didn't want to come home, there was no chance for us to make it, and I don't think he ever even thought about coming home to stay.

This week is a calm week to start which is a nice change. Tomorrow my SIL and nephew are coming over for dinner because my B is out of town for business. Friday my sister is coming over to have a sleepover with S and I. We are going to stay up late and possibly sleep outside, weather permitting. Saturday I have my parenting class so S will be with my parents for a while. Sunday is Sunday, and then we start another week.