My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

ok question?? I have not heard from my husband since his question early the other morning. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. My question is: Should I do as he asks and remove my paperwork so that our divorce can be finalized?

I'm not sure what to do......

[awest1217]

Nicole - You need to stop worrying about H and start taking care of you. What do you want to do? If you don't want your marriage to end then don't do anything with the papers. Don't do something because he tells you to or wants you to. Just leave the paperwork and if the 90 days start over then they start over. During the 90 days before, he came home so it wasn't a true 90 day separation so it should start over.

With the house, you can both own it while it is on the market. It would just stipulate in the D that he would have to pay you for the mortgage until it is sold and any debt or profit from the sale would be split (at least in IN).

Really what do you want? Do what is best for you and just stop worrying about H because he will continue to do what he wants so why shouldn't you. If he keeps bothering you, block his number from your phone. It is completely possible to block all texts and incoming calls from a number.

Hope all goes well this week!

[nicole8]

Awest you are right. I need to stop worrying about making the h upset....

I still haven't heard from him which is weird because the last couple of weeks he has been a complete a** about forcing the divorce forward as quickly as possible. I wonder if things aren't going well with the ow??? Maybe she is tired of the drama again.

[nicole8]

Yep spoke to soon. Just got a message from my h.. " guess we won't talk anymore except through lawyers".

Really am just so annoyed with him. What do I do? Stand firm and ignore him? Is he trying to bully me so he gets a quick easy divorce?

[awest1217]

I would say if he is going to disrespect you then don't talk to him. Only respond if he puts it nicely. You already told him that you are not going to revoke the paperwork so don't. Don't let him bully you to do what he wants. Do what you feel is best for you!

[nicole8]

Awest thank you for your kind words... I do feel like he is being a bully as he has in the past. It just never got this far along in the process. I'm not sure the 90 days will start over but it will take some time to move things forward, to make a d final. Kind of like after he filed he did have doubts, calmed down some and then came home and we were working towards getting him help.

I was hoping if things got pushed out to the future then he might reconsider that our m is not the cause of his bad feeling in life. But then again trying to change and control him goes against db. I am still very torn with everything. I am really considering sending an email to his mom to get her opinion. She was very happy when he came home and we had briefly talked about him being depressed. I had told her that I was working on it with him. Which was true. I was trying to not push him.

[PMA_Baby!]

Nicole - This R/M sounds very C0-DEPENDENT. Please read up on this. This is not healthy. Your happiness can not rely on him. He sounds very unstable and controlling. Do you really want to be on this rollercoaster for the rest of your life? Eventually you will learn that you can only help ppl that want to be helped. I think he is still playing you. Is he really capable of giving you what you WANT/NEED?? You need to figure out what those are.

Have you guys thought of MC or retro? He needs to earn back your RESPECT and TRUST. Make him earn it. Make sure it's REAL and CONSISTENT.

God Speed. PMA

[nicole8]

I just changed the topic of my thread. I feel it is more fitting. Maybe I should call it "my h is depressed and running, avoiding, self-medicating.... I could go on and on with topic ideas. I just find it so odd that he is letting this take over his life. But then again they are his feelings and his feelings are real to him.

I know that I cannot fix him and that he has to want to fix himself. I'm just so tired of him being rude c

[nicole8]

Well my h is now ignoring me I guess. I'm not initiating contact with him at all. I'm tired of being bullied and guilted into doing things because he is dealing with his own issues. My horoscope was awesome for tomorrow. Very uplifting and a great motivator for a PMA. I'm going to a pillages class tomorrow with a co worker after work. I think it will be fun and be a great distraction on my current sitch in life.

I know the husband is upset that I did not revoke my paperwork and agree to d. But my heart tells me that it is a bad idea.... Just another way for him to bully me into something. Then later he can say "well it's not like you were begging me to come home". He said that to me after he filed....really he did.

[awest1217]

Go have fun with your friend. Don't worry about H. Try to just live your life. It doesn't mean you need to go out all the time, but live your life with your dog the best you can and don't worry about H. It is hard to go without talking to him, but it is for the best. He needs time to think and time to figure out himself and his problems. He needs to fix his own life before he can be a good H.

Give him the space to just get help on his own. He talked about going to a doctor, maybe he will now that he is out? Who knows? You just continue to do what is best for you and don't try to influence H in anyway.