The problem I have with this, Sandi, is that nobody is perfect, no marriage is perfect, and part of being emotionally mature is knowing this and that having a better marriage requires both partners to be working on it, and the WAS is responsible for the state of the M too usually, and that resentment is partly the result of The problem I have with this, Sandi, is that nobody is perfect, no marriage is perfect, and part of being emotionally mature is knowing this and that having a better marriage requires both partners to be working on it, and the WAS is responsible for the state of the M too usually, and that resentment is partly the result of disillusionment founded on a misplaced sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations.
Yes,and that is the defense of most LBS. Nobody's perfect, right....but where was the LBH when she was trying and working at her "responsibility" for the state of the M? Maybe you should make it your "mission" to be at every wedding cermony to inform couples (before they take their vows) that they (especially the bride) needs to expect resentment to her groom...partly b/c the result of disillusionment founded on a misplaced sense of entitlement and unreasonable expectations. I think most young people who are in love are partly disillusioned anyway, if they weren't....weddings may become history.
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If an imperfect marriage is an excuse for an affair, then all married people have an excuse to have them.
Did you see where I said that ANYTHING was a excuse for an A? I was trying to point out that the LBH should not act all holier than thou based on the fact he didn't have an A. I just get a little put out after I read hundreds of threads from LBH's who were so "good" and didn't deserve what the WAW did....yaya, yaya. I am not specifically refering to this stitch, btw. But if some of the LBH would really own up to his part of the failure, then I think the WAW would be better UNDERSTOOD. That is the point I'm trying to make.
Understanding is not excusing! I was trying to head off Faith before he took the seat of self-rightous attitude, and to explain that his WAW was not at the point of repenting. I have read many other threads where I saw this attitude and if only the LBH knew how that went against reconciling the MR he would do his best not to look down his holy nose at her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
