Dealing with Jealousy

[Nvrgivup]

Thanks for the response 450, getting support from others who have been there really is great. And truth be told I feel bad for everyone here who has gone through this. I guess one thing I should say for the sake of clarity is, it is not a matter of IF I find out, she has flat out told me now that she is in a "relationship". It is to my mind an affair, not only because we are still married, but also in a way because she has talked about filing since January, had the papers drawn up and everything, she just hasn't filed them yet? She is in a PA now, and there has been at least 2 EA (PA?) that I know of.
The analogy of combat really hits home because I do feel like I'm at war. Though now its more with myself than her. I've learned that I can't win any battle with her, right and wrong mean nothing, truth, vows, etc. Like I said above, we are married, this R is an affair! But not to her, so I can't use that or fall back on whats "right" for me. the combat is now against myself, letting go, trying to be friends, GALing. Its hard, and knowing right now as I write this that she is with him, kills me. But I've got some great advice here that I'm trying to follow, I at the very least know what I need to do, even if its not easy most of the time. You mentioned 5% hope, I'm probably more like 20%, we are still "married". But thats down from 50 a few months ago, and 100 a few months before that. So I guess its progress? I'm trying to do the right things, but I admit the jealousy is the hardest part, I love my wife (and yes even though she's not really good for me now) I miss her, and my family. and it's hard not to see this guy as a huge threat to what I want, even knowing it isn't likely to happen regardless. Fog!! War, divorce, same fog me thinks?