Your wife did not flip the situation so that you looked like the bad guy when you had an affair. YOU flipped the situation so that you looked like the bad guy BY having an affair. You gave her a new reason (a valid one) to want anything but sex with you. I'm not trying to be unnecessarily brutal about this, but it was a bad move and you're selling it to others as a solution.
And I'm sorry to say this, because I know where you're coming from, but your equation of your wife's lack of desire for you and her refusal to have sex with you with "abuse" is a symptom in itself. Nobody has ever abused anybody by not having sex with him or not wanting to have sex with him, and it only feels that way to people like you and me who are way too wrapped up in a sex-starved mindset.
