My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Just finished a LONG day at work. S sprained his ankle at bb - had to have him come to the office so I could "triage" it! Told him to text his dad to let him know - H texts him back "take care of it". OK - then I get a text from H saying that my dentist's office left a message on his phone about rescheduling my appointment. I wasn't going to respond - but I just sent "thx". H also texted oldest D - said "my manager is giving me a couple hours off Friday can I take you and bf out to dinner?" - D says thanks dad but we already have plans.

I think the closer it gets to my anniversary - the more melancholy I get. Like I said in an earlier post - what we had was genuinely good. I believe that. I believe that I am a good person and that I am an excellent life partner. I keep reminding myself that the person he has become is not the person I knew. If he has convinced himself that this is his "true" identity then he will need to build his life for his new persona. I have not lost sight of who I am, what I believe - I have flaws and many imperfections - but I am faithful, loyal, committed, funny, and loving. I am showing my love for him right now by respecting his choice to leave. I am not pursuing - controlling - etc. I am serving our family by being stable, consistent, and working on myself. I have come to realize that if a magic wand was waved and H begged to come back tomorrow - our life would be very different. I would not be so worried about pleasing everyone - I like this peaceful place I have found. I don't believe I could ever let myself get so wrapped up with worry about his happiness - but I would give a lot more space and trust MYSELF - not him to give me the security I have so desperately wanted.

How does that sound for someone 5 months in?