You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Let me see if I've got this straight: They're with you for an hour EVERY day, their homework isn't getting done, so you're just going to let it be the sitter's responsibility????? WTF???!!!

I only have them an hour. By the time they get set up and get working it would be time to pack up and get in the car and go with the sitter.

I catch up on their day. Check their backpack and give them something to eat. Then they have 4:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. to work on homework.

[ClingingToHope]

So by the responses here, a couple of missed assignments and I should call STBXW outraged.

This is what I want to do for the next 10 years? Every time a missing assignment comes home, I should read her the riot act?

Boy, that sounds like good advice.

Awest, your kid is what 3? If he gets a C in second grade and your ex calls you with concerns, how do you think you would handle it?

I am not going to fly off the handle over the first few weeks of school.

I don't want STBXW looking over my shoulder on my nights and weekends and I'm not going to be looking over hers for every little thing to play "gotcha."

We specifically hired the sitter with the No. 1 assignment of making them get their homework done. The issue here is that D8 is new to it. She's never had homework.

[ClingingToHope]

Oh, my fault. Gonna wait until it gets more complex .....

Good one, Drew. Way to take that comment out of context.

[smith18]

I just now got a call from STBXW. Apparently, D8 has a couple of zeros in her file and an F. I have to admit I haven't been checking it every day in the hour that I have them. She's supposed to be doing the homework with the afterschool sitter and STBXW. Apparently, that's not happening.

Of course, rather than say, "I haven't been checking her folder and we need to do a better job," STBXW is going to demand a meeting with the teacher because she's upset with the lack of communication.

Sigh. D8 is in third grade and now has homework. It's our job as parents to stay on top of her. Instead, it sounds as if STBXW is going to go on one of her tirades. Of course, I can't avoid this meeting, but I'll keep my mouth shut. I kept it shut on the phone. Just listening. She doesn't need to know what I'm thinking.

This is where you need to be more firm and let your STBXW know that this is something that needs to be worked on together as parents. Dont have yourself walk on egg shells or "act as if". You need to let her know that she cant deflect the blame to the teacher or the babysitter.

You both need to work out consequences for your daughters.

[ClingingToHope]

Kat, I struggled with D11 back in 3rd and 4th grade on homework because she always wants to take the easy way out and I'd make sure she understood or could explain the answer.

She's in the advanced academy so we couldn't have done too poorly.

Now, the times she does ask for help we actually work well together because she understands I won't let her take the easy way out.

The big thing with D11 -- in my eyes -- is to get her to develop some kind of exercise routine or find something physical that she likes to do.

We have a Nintendo Wii. D11 actually is borderline obese and it's pretty much come in the past two years.

When she was younger she was misdiagnosed with a slight case of asthma. Turns out it was just our old musty carpet that needed to be replaced. She's been fine ever since.

But she's always using asthma as an excuse not to run.

So my plan is to make sure on Wednesday nights -- the nights I have them -- that we make it to the health club for an hour and then at least one weekend day of the weekends I have them.

[ClingingToHope]

This is where you need to be more firm and let your STBXW know that this is something that needs to be worked on together as parents. Dont have yourself walk on egg shells or "act as if". You need to let her know that she cant deflect the blame to the teacher or the babysitter.

I don't disagree. I just don't want to overreact. The school year isn't even a month old. STBXW tends to overreact and I try to be the voice of reason. I don't want to jump all over her because of one bad report.

[awest1217]

I don't think anyone wants you to give anyone the riot act, and in my case H wouldn't give me the riot act if he found out. We would talk to each other as parents and decide what the consequences were for S. H is a selfish brat for leaving us, but he is trying to be a good dad now and we have always talked politely to each other when it comes to S. Even when S was getting notes everyday from daycare about hitting, we worked together to come up with solutions to the problem.

Everyone is saying you have to work together to come up with a plan that will make sure the girls are doing their homework. Not saying it is all on you or all on STBXW. Everyone is saying it is a joint effort between the two of you that will help the girls make sure they get everything done. There can't be "it wasn't my day" sayings. No one is to blame here for missing work, but D11 and D8, they are the ones who were told about the homework and chose not to do it, so now as parents you must come up for a solution to help ensure it doesn't continue. Not yell at each other for being bad parents, but really talk about what is a good idea to help them.

The two of you have to let go of your resentment for one another long enough to help your girls.

[awest1217]

Or if nothing else, make a plan of action for when the girls are with you. Sit down and talk with them and give them consequences for when they are with you for not turning in homework.

My biggest issue is you constantly saying "it wasn't my night". The girls are always yours and they need to know that you are going to discipline them for not doing stuff just like their mom will or should. So come up with some consequences for any missing homework no matter when it was missed (unless it is turned in by the time you have them, then there is no need for a consequence because they completed the task).

I did this with my little sister. She was in high school still when I moved out. If I found out she was failing a class or was missing assignments I disciplined her because my parents wouldn't. I was her ride many places so I told her I would take her to church and straight home. I didn't care how much she complained that was how it was until she got her grades up. To this day, she knows that if I find out she is doing something wrong I will get after her and she tells me thank you because she knows I am consistent and I care about her.

[whatisis]

I'd work out a plan with mom about how the two of you are going to tackle supporting the girls in this homework endeavour. That's called co-parenting, working together.

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting night at the divorce support group. The 32-year-old with two young kids was contacted by her wayward husband. He just bolted seven weeks ago after gambling all of their money away online.

He's been in North Carolina.

Now he wants to come back. She's filed for bankruptcy and divorce and doesn't know what to do. I sometimes read the piecing forum and she's in for a long haul. How does she ever trust him again.

That came up at the table and I said if lightning were to strike and STBXW wanted to work things out I wouldn't know how I could trust her again. I always could before. Not anymore.