I joined a gym tonight. I used to work out heavily back in college about 6 years ago. I stopped going after I met my W in college.
Right now I'm at the same weight I was pre-workout in college. I'm 5'11".... and I weight 132lbs. Not good. Worked out hard and came home to enjoy my post-workout meal of 2 raw eggs and a heaping bowl of high fiber cereal. Next week I'll move on to whey protein and creatine after my body adjusts to the workouts.
It's a sweet deal for $20/month I get 24/7 gym, tanning, massage and classes. Working out is one of my "new John" tangible goals I can work on. The intangible goals I work on are difficult right now.
Got home, W called me. She wanted to talk about $$$ and how she figured out with her bills she was going to be $600/month short with our agreement. She's already trying to reneg on our deal. You guys said she would, she is. She was crying and upset and everything and I just stayed cold. Told her I would think about things and get back to her.
I don't know why, but I asked her something I probably shouldn't have. I said, "The other day you said that I was the worst thing that ever happened to you. I need to know where you stand... is that true?"
She said, "Sometimes. But no, I don't think you're the worst thing that happened to me. I'm sorry that I said that, you know I don't mean that. I love you, but I'm really hurt right now. I didn't mean that - I love you."
Probably crossed my boundary when I asked that, but it was really bothering me (when it shouldn't have). After that we talked on the phone for over an hour. We haven't done that in years. She was sweet on the phone - something she never is, and we talked and laughed and just... were close together. I realize she's trying to pull me in the get more $$$ from me, probably subconsciously doing so and that is probably why we talked so long.
Recognizing the cycle is enlightening. Just because we had sweet nothings on the phone doesn't mean I'm going to give her what she wants.
Either way, we made a connection again tonight we haven't in a while. I'll see her tomorrow when she drops S4 off.
Damn, working out makes you tired at night! I usually go to bed at midnight but I'm pooped at 10pm! This is encouraging because as of late sleep has been my only escape.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I have come to the conclusion my W is nice when she wants something. Could be the same for you or not, but just giving another perspective. I have made it pretty clear I will not be friends with the W. Hasnt been easy but when you do it and the further you are in this you will feel better. Dont reward bad behavior, I think I will get that Tattooed on my chest backwards so I can read it in the mirror.
BTW my brother is a body builder, the best protein out there is probably Labrada Pro 60, a good during workout drink is syntha-6 by BSN. and post workout drink about 30-50 grams of protein and eat a clean carb and protein meal within one hour of your workout. THis is good for weight training, and break your meals up to 5 meals a day. morning mid morning, early afternoon. mid day and dinner, but dont eat within 2 hours of bed, not good you will store the food and get FAT!!!!
Got home, W called me. She wanted to talk about $$$ and how she figured out with her bills she was going to be $600/month short with our agreement. She's already trying to reneg on our deal. You guys said she would, she is.
Going to the gym is the best thing you've done. It's all about you and for you.
I wouldn't trust her not for one sec. You are getting sucked in to these sweet nothings no matter what you post. With all the bitter hateful things she has said to you in the not so distant past how can you let a few nice words get to you. They don't mean crap. What she says something hateful then something nice so they cancel each other out. Your still left no closer to anything positive. Right now you should be sitting back waiting for her to prove herself that she is worthy of you.
She's after the money. That's why she's nice. Plain and simple.
Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
Agreed Doodi. By that same token I've not said "hateful" things in the not so distant past, but I have acted businesslike and cold and uncaring to her. When we were dividing the stuff up, I everytime she said, "I would like this" I went to my calculator and added it up and worked it like a business deal. That drove her nuts!
She is after the money, yes. Agreed. She's also after a friendship. I don't think anyone will disagree with that. She has this perfectly rose colored picture in her mind of how this will all work out. Right now it isn't monetarily. Next is the friendship piece.
I have a MC session today with just me. I told her that I didn't want her to come. Will post later about it.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
When we were dividing the stuff up, I everytime she said, "I would like this" I went to my calculator and added it up and worked it like a business deal. That drove her nuts!
The mental picture of this is cracking me up. LOL.
The friendship she wants is to ease her guilt. Don't bite.
