I want to add one more thing here. Your W is about the same age as mine. My W said all the same things yours said, "I need to find myself" & "I've lost myself in this M" & "You've controlled me from being a person". Unfortunately, this is a typical cycle with women of this age. They are trying to grow up, and rebelling against the person they think has caused them not to be "able" to grow up. She blames you for it all, even if she doesn't say so - why else would she be leaving? She's immature, and needs to grow up. You can't do that for her.
I'd be careful generalizing this to a specific age group. My wife is 11 years older than this, and she's said the same exact phrases.
I'm not trying to generalize. I just recognized the same exact things his W has done and said, and I was able to relate. Plus, let's be honest, there's a huge difference in mentality between 25 and 36, regardless of circumstances leading up to the bomb.
The only difference is that an older woman would be more sure of what she wants and a younger woman would still be searching to find out what her real preferences are.
Other than that, no differences.
They both lost attraction for their existing spouses/partners, they both left to have affairs or contemplate having affairs. They both snuck around covertly to not get caught. They both said the same things and essentially FELT THE SAME WAY.
This is all about them chasing their feelings. They are guided by their feelings and emotions, not by logic and what the right thing to do is.
I wouldn't bother busting the affair, if she wants the other guy so badly, let her have him.
And you go out and enjoy yourself, hang out with your buddies, go out, meet other women, live life up, seriously bro, you're 25, the world is yours to take.
You pursue her and want her back because you were dumped. We have a natural affinity for balance, you want what you had before, it gave your life balance. You're now in limbo, still trying to decide if you should hang in there and "bust the affair", should you ask her to go to marriage counselling, should you go no contact, dark and all the other great catch phrases used around these parts. If you had dumped her and had the affair, you would be fine, you wouldn't be trying to get her back.
Let her go, even if you love her a lot and want her back badly, let her go. That's the loving thing to do, give her the freedom she wants, she wants to be free of you, let her go.
Set yourself free. Realize that giving her freedom is giving yourself freedom also.
Pack her things if you haven't already and ask her to pick them up.
Enjoy your life, life is too short to waste on people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you, if these people want out so badly, why would you want them to stay?
