I have always wanted my husband to feel loved and tried to accommodate him in a manner that he needed, but I have struggled with the sexual aspect of my relationsip since early on. Even early on it felt like sex was just about him - he would keep me up in the middle of the night without regard to the fact that I had to get up early for work; and in the early days, when he was relatively young, having 2 O's was so good for him, but he did not pay attention to the discomfort that it caused me when he had to work so hard to acheive that wonderful feeling; after childbirth when there was pain, his response was that I would just have to live with it, which seemed like such a callus response; in subsequent years when I tried to explain that his approach to sex, demanding and pressuring me, was having the opposite effect of making me feel excited or sexual, his response was that I would just have to get past it and take care of him regardless. We obviously have two very different views of what a sex life should be, but I really feel like I have tried to be giving and understanding of his needs, but don't feel like it has been reciprocated. I don't know how to deal with my feelings of hurt and resentment, but I know I can't continue the obligatory sex acts because I am growing to hate him for it.
We have tried counseling. When it came time for any focus on him, I believe he felt uncomfortable and no longer was willing to attend. I went to individual counseling, which helped dissipate some of the anger I felt and helped me with setting boundaries, but did not help with any sexual issues because the counselor insisted that I not engage in sex unless I truly wanted to, but that was not an acceptable option at home. He doesn't believe in self-help books and calls bs if I start discussing things that I have read. It really makes it hard to figure out how to change our relationship; his recommendation of "just let it go" is not a bad one, I just don't know how to do it when so many negative feelings well up at the mere mention of sex.
