I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

I don't understand why making changes to save the relationship is a BAD thing. Why is it bad for me to make changes because YOU want me to and I WANT to make those changes because I want YOU to be happy in our relationship? OUR relationship is IMPORTANT to me and I am willing to do what it takes for it to work.

Does anybody think that I WANT to put in extra hours at work in order to get promoted and make more money so we can have a BETTER life and W can stay home with the kids, because that is a better life for them? I don't WANT to work that much, but I make a choice to, just as I choose to make changes to better the relationship.

Am I just out of my mind? I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing.

Kind of hard to SHOW her anything right now as we have very little contact at all.

Going to start reading Hold On To Your N.U.T.S. tonight.

Thanks!

yep it's what makingprogress just stated. By the time a spouse becomes WAW its usually too late. They have already decided that you're not going to change and emotionally detached/checked out of the R.

They begin to resent the changes because it reminds them of certain instances where they felt like you should have already been doing this. Sometimes the resentment has been building up for years.

They may/may not have communicated this to you. That's one of the key elements to why we are all here. Lack of communication. Either one partner doesn't express it properly or the other one misses the "warning signs" and "signals" or even direct communication their SPOUSE has expressed to them.

That's why what i've figured out is that it's important to do self reflection everyday and grade yourself to see where you stand.

If there's an argument? Don't let it go unresolved. Of course give your spouse time to cool down but listen intently and try to adjust your behaviour to what the issue is and vice versa.

The problem comes in when both parties or one party are both talking but nobody is listening.