What can I say? I have been helped immeasurably by two women who both put their marriages back together after their husbands' infidelity. But as a wise man I know said - there has to be repentance.
It is hard to rock the boat and walk away from a long marriage. It takes courage to stay, and courage to go.
I would never say that marriage cannot survive infidelity, but to do so, BOTH the marriage partners have to recommit fully to the marriage. Your husband sounds as if he is in a 9 year sulk. Have you tried to simply saying to him that you cannot live like this any longer, and that if he doesn't want to be where he is then perhaps there should be a time apart?
You have feelings too, and these should be respected. It is not enough to be physically present. What good is that? I agree that just waiting it out after this length of time is probably not going anywhere - athough I am not an expert, and others may disagree. In your shoes, I think I would try suggesting that he moves out, and pursues his own dreams. He can still visit and be a father. The children will have noticed that all is not well, believe me. Staying together is usually, but by no means invariably the best thing for them.
But whatever you decide is tough. Sometimes I would like to shake every MLCer until their teeth rattle for their sheer self centredness. Others live in this world too, and there is a network of fine obligations . . . but life is all about them. What an awful way to live.
