Kalni, EVERY sitch is different so I cannot say what is really going on with yours or your H (beside your H being a man and My W is a woman) BUT I am beginning to really believe that there is truly a "Fog" like my wife kind of had an out of body experience. Like she was living two lives. Her real life here with us and her "soap opera" life. talking the other night she stated about how "husbands" sometimes Need sex more that wives, I asked her does she think that is why some husbands have "affairs?" she said probably.. I then asked her does she think it is alright for them to have affairs. She said no... So you see I really think she thinks of her affair with the cheating husband as "the other woman".
YES I have photos also... Can't seem to throw them away yet. I do not have E-mails... but for a while way back..(Two years ago) I did keep a record of phone calls. It seemed the OM would call W from a pay phone (he lives in another state) and have her call him back. ( I traced over 15 phone booths in Washington) anyway the phone calls were actually happening several times a day at first... then about twice a day..... Then maybe once a week. I do not know if they are still talking but I really don't think so. Even though I do not know what was said in those calls... the tapering off to me does seem like the interest was fading. In fact the way my wife was acting (back then) I think the OM just wanted a piece of @ss and took advantage of my wife. I think it became a fatal attraction time thing with her. And he just wanted the one night stand but she really thought he cared. I hope things work out for you. I feel that I have finely made it past the point of no return and things are just getting better and better. I can’t describe the feeling of getting over that hill I have grown and so has my wife. I now am really confident at to where I am but I want to become better. I need work now on getting what I want... not just what would keep us together
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
"I dont hide my feelings oldtimer. I am just trying to control them not to affect every single moment of our current life."
Good point. Expressing these feelings to H may make the situation worse as the deep wounds may need more time to heal. But I think the pictures and e-mails are probably good to have seen. You now have a more accurate understanding of the extent of what took place and further deception has been pre-empted. This is also better than being in denial or jumping to wrong conclusions or always wondering what happened.
You are a 'detective' like me and I agree, that knowing the details from emails of the dying off of the affair is very helpful to you - yuo know that it was him that was losing interest and backing away from her and resisting moving in, or introducing her to friends etc. As I know from all the information I got from friends, that it was Helen who loved H, but he that backed away and broke it off, as your H did. I find that helpful and reassuring to know, but to be honest, it all seems like a loooong time ago now, as DrLove says. xxx
So, our romantic getaway isnt happening this week. H cant get away. After ignoring the fact that the trip wa planned for this Thursday and not mentioning anything about it, today he came with answer. I asked him over the weekend if he could go or not because Iknew he was facing a crisis at work. He asked me how I feel about it. I said I am disapointed but I understand. I wouuld do the same, only it is...work again. He validated etc etc. Too many issues tangled with each other. This weekend we tried to make love. Tried cause we couldnt. He initiated but something didnt...click. He was holding me tight and he put he hands in my hair pulling face to his chest, felt like his little breakthrough of somekind. I had a dejavu (sp?) of a momnet 3 years ago, started crying. I regrouped immediately.
A year into piecing and things arent...right yet, you know? SO many sticky reminders, the lies still cut me deeply. I am looking for the reason why I cant let go. Am I playing the victim, trying to punish him emotionally? I am caring and compassionate, logically I can identify where/when things got out of hand for him, but still...
Ali mentioned jealousy. I was never the jealous type. Guess what? I am now jeallous. Not of him now. Of him then, of her.
H is a good looking, successful man. WHat happens down the road when a 25 yr old woman starts pursuing him? Why cant he be passionate about me? Why dont I hear words of appreciation for the patience, the understanding, the chance he got?
On the other hand, this weekend he started kissing me and caressing at a christening where people from my work were. I was pleasantly suprised.
He told me today he wanted to go away so that we could talk, brings the last things out in the open. Funny, that was what I had imagined. I wanted that one-to-one time to talk and get mad and become tender and ne HONEST and get intimate. Not sexually. INTIMATE. Share thoughts and fears and worries and plan ahead together...
We talked a bit. He said he understands my position, he puts himself in my shoes, has requested from his boss to consider the possibility of a change in hours and salary and awaits his answer...
Oh, K! When I read your updates, I do see ACTIONS! Not just words. What a difference. From both of you. I know you are still 'bleeding' but hopefully regaining that intimacy will help you both to heal...
From both of you. I know you are still 'bleeding' but hopefully regaining that intimacy will help you both to heal...