1 cent: use email much closer to the move time, a month or two. No reason to L up simply to let him know you are moving. "X, I'll be moving to Cottagetown in about six weeks. I thought I'd give you a heads up now as I recognize this may affect your visitation schedule. Please let me know which your assigned dates you plan to visit, and we'll set something up in Cottagetown. And, if you are otherwise in the area and want to visit, let me know ahead of time and I'll see if something will work. Hope you are well, Barb"
2 cent: Your kids need a relationship with their father. Period. Quit calling the woman maggot in your own head. It isn't good for you or your kids. Your M ended because of your XH's choices, and my guess is that you would have ended it on your own eventually. Rather than giving your kids a mealy-mouthed "make up your own minds" when they know DARN WELL it makes you feel good that they reject her isn't enough. "Kids, the M has long been over. The problems in the M predate XH's current wife. Her involvement was more of a symptom than a cause of the M's failure. I have no desire to have personal relationships with them, but I think it is important for you to. And, it is really OK. I WANT you to have a good R with your Dad and part of that will mean accepting his current life. Give him a chance, accept him, see where you are in 6 months, but until then have an open mind. You can always reevaluate. Right now, you have adolescent impressions and feelings that are located waaaayyyyy in the past. Now you are adults. Your father loves you. Give the R a chance, you can always choose your own boundaries every step of the way. But I really think it would be best for you in the long run if you try and open mind and open heart for a decent period of time. Years from now, you will understand how important this is. Now is the time. I don't need or want you to protect me about this. It isn't your job and besides I don't even need it anymore. I'm fine. I've accepted things and moved forward in my life. Please know that I want you to do the same, encourage you to do the same, hope you do the same and wind up with a fuller and happier family life."
You know it is time for them to do this Barb. And you know they are protecting you. Let them go and point them in the right direction.
Yes, you can swear at me and throw things at my post. But, at least let it sink in and work on you for awhile. You know what you need to do. Your choice how to get there. But you can be a strong positive force when you want to. You don't need to let anger and hatred for XH and his W to color your life even a little bit anymore.
OT: I am not upset by your post at all. I think your advice about the letter to Chuck is good. I did not plan to let him know until close to the time. Just as I don't intend to let Ryan's caregivers know either until about 6 weeks ahead. Knowing how it goes - they would all quit and I can't have that. I have already started to arrange a care plan in cottagetown.
As for Chuck - I agree with a lot of what you said. I do not want the kids burdened with guilt or regret. I did tell them some of what you said - about me actually wanting them to do what was right but my son is very very angry still. I really think he should talk to someone other than me about this. I stopped talking to Ashley about her R with her dad a long time ago. She often tells me things but I never ask.
Good advice all around, OT. Thanks for your thoughts.
Josh & I just bought a house!!! It is a wonderful dream house on a lake. We had planned to put in an offer this week but a competing offer was going in so we had to move faster as we love the house and didn't want to miss out. And our offer bought it!
So much to think about. We currently have 4 homes between us so we have to get some moving going on.
It took FOREVER!!! But as everyone told me throughout my journey - "it's a process". Yes it is. And we don't all have the same journey or the same ending. It is about choices. And the one really important thing I learned here is that there is no right or wrong way to do things. Whether you love again or choose to be happily single. Whether you can be friendly with your ex or stay as far apart as possible. We all have to make ou own decisions and choose our own paths.
I'm happy with how my life is turning out. I never would have thought it possible. But all things are possible if you believe!
WHOOHOOO!! So glad you got it Barb!! congrats to you both! I bet its beautiful!! pics coming soon i hope!
The thing w/ Chuck and his " dying wish" is so morbid! as he always been like this?? you sure hes ok? just seems a very odd or mean thing to put on his kids! after all let us not forget whos idea it was to break up the family, I remind my ex of this when he whines to me that Ry dosnt return calls ect. in a nice way of course lol I feel for A and B, not easy decision for them - I suppose as time went on , this was to be excpected tho- and I am sure you will support them in whatever they decide. Poor babies, as i know even our adult kids shouldnt have to put up with this!
As for the moving, i'm w/ Lola 100% , his choice 9 yrs ago, if its legal for you to move w/ Ryan, so be it, I am sure Chuck will make the effort to see him, he seems to be wanting his children in his life again Barb, Congrats on the house! I am happy for you friend!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
CONGRATS on the house, how exciting!