Had a rough night ... had trouble sleeping ... too much thinking ... Rowan was up through the night too, a couple of times. Left me raw and tired this morning. Keegan was whining about not wanting to go to school and Aden started crying about not wanting to go to daycare ... J landed to pick up Aden to take him to daycare and he was helping the boys calm down and then he walked the bigger two to the end of the driveway and waited for the bus with them ... just made me miss "the family life".

He came in and saw that I was upset and asked what was wrong, I said "Never mind, you don't want to know" and he said "how do you know that" and I apparently forgot every DB thing I've ever learned and said "I miss our family life. They deserved better than this. We deserved better than this. Told ya you didn't want to hear it." He says, really iritated, "who said I didn't want to hear it". Then he says "gotta go, rugrat is in the van". And he left and I cried some more.

I hate being tired. I'm tired of being tired.

Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc