Remember that during MLC they become the opposite of what they have been their whole life.
Lance, thank you very much for your feedback and thanks for this reminder (above). Over the past 10 days I have really been questioning whether the H I knew was really just a mask for this person I am seeing now. XH has really begun to act much more like his old self and this is why I thought he was emerging. I really believe that XH has used social interaction as his way to push down bad feelings. Jody helped me to see that when XH was a child, socializing with the neighborhood kids and moms was his survival mechanism because his mother was too drunk to care for him and his father was always at work. Now I am wondering if XH is acting less depressed because he has found another OW to medicate him..........At this point in time I don't know if he has or not........and when I read Jim Conway's info on the final 3 stages, the "What if?" section made me wonder if XH has been in Replay since his 1st D 16 years ago? Obviously, I'm very confused right now and disappointed. I have been dealing with the grief of these realizations/questions over the past 10 days.
Re: the possible new OW, XH and I are D'ed and we have not had a romantic R since he dropped the bomb, so I don't really have any basis for setting a boundary, other than setting the kind of boundary I would with a close friend. The recreational things I have been doing with XH have been the same kind of recreational things I would do with male and female friends.
I really believe that XH has used social interaction as his way to push down bad feelings.
I believe this is the case with my H. In fact, I think my H has used his relationship with me to keep from dealing with his issues.
Quote:
when I read Jim Conway's info on the final 3 stages, the "What if?" section made me wonder if XH has been in Replay since his 1st D 16 years ago?
My H divorced his first W shortly after the death of both his parents. He had told me that they divorced due to her infidelity...I am now wondering if her infidelity was cause by his depression/withdrawal.
gag-As you know, I know the frustration when you feel them moving toward you and then they run away. We just have to live our lives making ourselves happy...living our lives as if they are never coming home. We really shouldn't spend much time trying to figure out where our MLCer is in all of this...there is no way to know for sure until they are done.
Hi GAG...just poking my head in and catching up on your tread....not much I can contribute now....just be strong....live your life....and wait for the next chapter to be written.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I thought your weekend sounded wonderful! Sleeping in is good! Trimmed hedges are the best! To me, the worst thing about your weekend was your bicycle crash (owwwweeeee!!!) And THAT is why I don't like those shoe clips! I have the toe thingys that help hold my foot on the petal and you can "escape" those pretty easily in an emergency!
So...I don't know...either we need an outside judge or we both share the crown! I think we should do this challenge every weekend or at least every other! My BFF and I want to make this a monthly thing!
Can't wait to read what insights your friend gave you!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
To me, the worst thing about your weekend was your bicycle crash (owwwweeeee!!!) And THAT is why I don't like those shoe clips! I have the toe thingys that help hold my foot on the petal and you can "escape" those pretty easily in an emergency!