Rise above the vindictiveness. My WAH and I had our second mediation for our D today.He was very NASTY and very VINDICTIVE. I was not. Enough said. However, I will get from H what I need and deserve to live on.
You need to check with your L how you put your WAW through school, it may matter to your D.
Keep your pride and let things take the course they need to take, but always PROTECT yourself. Keep emotion out of it. You must stay calm.
Hang in there. Sorry things turned out as they did for you.
I sort of feel relieved. There is finally closure on this sitch. I will hold back being vindictive since no one wins but lawyers. I would like to lean toward Mediation since we have the pre-nup and neither one of us wants anything from the other. That way it will be less of a burdan and be processesed quickly.
I guess I have let go more than I thought. I actually slept good last night for the first time in months. I want her to be happy and I want to be happy and be with someone who loves me and wants to be with me.
Absolutely you have influence. The reason people get stuck is because they feel hopeless and they grasp for straw (babysteps). You are being watched by your wives, I promise. Focus on the process not the outcome.
Get your mojo back so that you thrive regardless of the outcome. Then you will see the influence you have on those around you. The problem is you guys don't understand what woman want. What's attractive to a woman? Never lose sight of that.
Do you guys know what it takes to let go? What are you letting go of? Why is that attractive?
responed back "Okay, I agree. I want you to be happy and I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me."
Mixed review on your response.
She wants a divorce. She will, of course, pay for her own attorney, right?
I am just very big on the whole "personal responsibility" angle, so if she is expecting you to do all of the work here, then I have a problem.
My response would have been, "Yes, that's probably for the best since you no longer live here and don't want to work on our marriage. I will retain an attorney immediately, and I expect you will do the same".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Thanks, she said in her email that she has already spoken with an attorney and wanted to start the process. She ask twice if it was okay for her to begin the process. She will pay for her own lawyer. I recommended a Mediation Attorney since there is little legal action required: Pre-Nup, deperate financials, etc.
The only question that I have is, since she never contributed to the household financially and used all of the money for school and left with a sizeable chunck is there an angle to recoup some financially...I know it sounds vindictive, but she never paid a dime for anything because I was under the assumption we would as a couple be debt free...no loans and be better off financially.
I appreciate your advice. I guess I am in better shape emotionally than I thought. I have detached enough and knew deep down that we were headed for a D. So we will see what is a head in the future.
The only question that I have is, since she never contributed to the household financially and used all of the money for school and left with a sizeable chunck is there an angle to recoup some financially...I know it sounds vindictive, but she never paid a dime for anything because I was under the assumption we would as a couple be debt free...no loans and be better off financially.
I don't know how things work in your state, but the first question that comes to mind is "does she have a job?".
Usually, courts take income into account on any settlement, so the timing may be fortunate for her if she isn't already employed.
Head up, chest out, and since she is starting the process, get an attorney so you two never have to discuss legal stuff directly.
You can do this. And... do your best Cary Grant impersonation
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/14/1012:08 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Well, retain an attorney, let them ponder that pre-nup, apprise them of your sit, and they can answer your questions better than anybody here since they know the court, judges and precedence in your state.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am actually okay with the sitch as it is. She didn't immediately go out and get an attorney and allowed emotions to die down a bit before pulling the trigger. I sort of think and slowly coming to full agreement that this is the right thing to do for both of us. I wish we could have worked it out, but I realize that I hurt her too much two years ago and it was a hurt that was not repairable.
I will hold my head up and be above board on everything and not start slinging mud. If the D is meant to be it will be done with dignity. I know that it is not over till the fat lady sings, but I can see her in the wings and she is rehearsing her aria.
