Why did I place h on a pedestal? Because he was simply my knight in shining armor, or, more realistically, my hunk in plaid riding a rusty Chevy. I believed in him absolutely. His intelligence, his drive, his committment, everything. Even when things were bad I was telling myself I was such a lucky girl. And I know that's an insult to myself. He, on the other hand, always told me he would never have succeeded if not for me.
I think sometimes we forget that other people are failable humans. I too, had my stbxH on a pedestal of sorts, I totally took for granted that his level of commitment would outweigh everything else. I was wrong. MLC changes the rules.
Originally Posted By: punkin
Do I bake cookies? Occasionally, but I'm afraid I'm more of a McDonald's drive thru kid's meal grandma. That, and gummy bears.
Now that, girlfriend, is MY kinda grandma!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I thought about you most of the day yesterday. No not what ya think  I made [b]PUMPKIN[/quote] pie with the kiddies.
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Oh Eric, what does punkin want? Ice cream and moonbeams and whiskers on kittens. The absolute truth is I don't think I know.
Well now is a good time to take out a piece of paper and write down what you want for Punkin. What do you see in your future? How will you achieve it?
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Most times I'm able to think ahead, to a future without H in it, sometimes I just want to curl into a ball and hide under the covers. Sound familiar, anyone?
It sounds familiar to me. Sometime I want to smack her upside the head and get her to realize what she is throwing away. BUT then…as the time on gone on I have began to understand. I have began to have some compassion. I have began to stand up and say to myself…WTF am I doing. Why have I given her total control over my life. Punkin you should think ahead – feel this pain, then get up look in the mirror and say that this chit will not kill you. You will make it. YOU decide what YOU want. Period.
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Why did I place h on a pedestal? Because he was simply my knight in shining armor, or, more realistically, my hunk in plaid riding a rusty Chevy. I believed in him absolutely. His intelligence, his drive, his committment, everything. Even when things were bad I was telling myself I was such a lucky girl.
You are a lucky girl. Lucky to be YOU. Lucky for who YOU are. The problem I see is that Punkin is not sure who she is outside of her M. Somewhere along the lines maybe you lost her..well now is good time to find her. Problem is..instead of looking for her you are looking at H and OW.
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And I know that's an insult to myself. He, on the other hand, always told me he would never have succeeded if not for me.
Honey you loved him. Nothing wrong with that. Stop beating yourself up already will ya. Take the anger you feel and use it to help you figure out what you want to do next for YOU.
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Do I bake cookies? Occasionally, but I'm afraid I'm more of a McDonald's drive thru kid's meal grandma. That, and gummy bears.
FTR…A NY Rican made homemade pumpkin pie and the grandma from the mid west goes to McDonalds..WTF is wrong with this picture – LOL.
Chin up Punkin…start’s a diggin will ya…
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi everybody and thanks for stopping by. I'd have written sooner but I was out GAL. Seriously, I had a headache from He!! and couldn't look at the computer screen.
Eric, you sound strong. I'm so glad, and thanks for your kind observations. By the way, I'm not the kind of grandma on the front of Mrs. Smith's Pies. But I do like pumpkin.
Continuing desintigrating news on the family front. SS and his wife have now separated. That makes 3 out of 5 married kids separated. This planetary alignment thing SUCKS. It's not looking good for Christmas. Last year at this time, I was so sure of who we were: Mom & Dad, 7 kids, 12 grands. Everything's great. Now it's all one big clusterf#$k. Oh well, that just means I have the challenge of making a new kind of holiday, doesn't it? Sucky thing is, I've already bought personalized ornaments for each family, and now I guess I'll have to paint over some names. AAUUGGHH!
Real Estate people coming out to tour the house today, so I've been busy picking up and decluttering. I pray the house sells quickly, and I can move into a place that is truly MINE.
MLC Stage Question. My H has started saying things to me and the kids like "Everyone knows I'm the bad guy here", and "I'm the a$$hole". Does this indicate entrance to a new stage, or just spewing anger?
They like to play the poor me, victim thing. Nothing more. Most of them will do this.
These are just words, if I had to guess he's probably fishing for a response/reaction from you. How did you respond?
They go in and out of these so called "stages" all of the time. They bounce all around. The "stages" are sort of a guide as to what they go through, not really steps of progression like you would think.
I think it is the phase called " He is an a**hole right now" phase.
Ignore it. Stick and stones can break my bones but words will NEVER hurt me.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
MLC Stage Question. My H has started saying things to me and the kids like "Everyone knows I'm the bad guy here", and "I'm the a$$hole". Does this indicate entrance to a new stage, or just spewing anger?
He is still in replay. Replay ends when he gets rid of the OW.
Although what the other guys said is true.
I say nothing wrong with asking questions, punkin.
The only bad one is the one that you DONT ask.
Last edited by LanceSijan; 09/14/1006:03 PM. Reason: spelling
I think it is the phase called " He is an a**hole right now" phase.
Exactly! I've been at this for a very long time---not as long as some, but going on 3 years. (New identity after realizing my privacy was violated.) The stages that have been written down and are referred to can only be used as guidelines, or descriptions of what might be going on.....there is no set definition....if this, then: stage X----However, Eric - you hit it on the head!
My H has said the same to me (not my kids though), but as far as I can tell portrays himself to the world as the same person he's always been. Seems to make things harder on me, because I let it!
Punkin - the best advice I can give you is to let him to continue to think he is an a$$hole. Enjoy your kids and grandkids and focus on this new stage in YOUR life!
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
