You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting conversations with D8 after school -- I love my hour with the girls. She's liking Mason less and Joey more. Mason doesn't want to play with her as much as last year and now Joey is "really into" her. She's kind of sad about Mason though. She asked if it's like what happened with my aunt. She left my uncle and then a year later she wanted to go back.

Yes. I told her. It's kind of like that.

Then she launched into some conversation she had with STBXW. STBXW told her that she and I will "always" just be friends. She told STBXW that I still love and miss her. Then she asked "are you happy?"

Tough question. I told her, yes, I am happy. I still wish STBXW wasn't divorcing me and that we were all still together, but I can't control that and yes, I'm happy.

She seemed OK with that. STBXW has years ahead of her having to convince those two that what she did was OK. At least I don't have that ahead of me.

Good thing. Feeling good about the finances. It's taken me about a year, but I finally have a plan I'm happy with. Now I just have to execute it check by check.

[ClingingToHope]

Went to watch an Improv group last night. There were some funny moments and some painfully bad moments. Stayed out maybe a little too late. It was tough to get up and drag myself out to the last softball tournament of the year.

We won our two games though.

Mostly good thoughts -- though a couple of pangs. There's a biker bar on the way to the ballpark and I saw a couple of 40ish women walking out with their leather jackets on. I imagined STBXW in her Harley jacket going into the dive bars north of here.

But I tried to remember that if I did not know STBXW and I ran into her wearing a Harley jacket I would not be interested. Just not my type. Still -- it was a strange thought.

I was supposed to be working in Chicago today and tomorrow. That fell through so I don't have plans tonight. I'm sure something will pop up.

I really need to work out -- not just putz around -- but really put in a good 30 minute hard workout. I haven't done that in months. I've been relying on softball, basketball and working the running races and I feel --- doughy -- even though I'm maybe five pounds too heavy.

Talked with a player on our team in between innings. He went through a D six years ago and he's been keeping track of my sitch. His daughters are 11 so my oldest would play with them when they come to the games. Anyway, he got remarried this year to a woman he met on Match three years ago.

His wife cheated on him and he tossed her the same day and never looked back. She ended up marrying the affair partner and yet he said they have always remained friends.

I need to get there ... someday.

[ClingingToHope]

Well, since I'd planned on working in Chicago and that fell through I really didn't have anything planned Saturday. I checked around and couldn't find anything worth pursuing so I took a sleeping pill and went to bed.

I did make it to church Saturday night for the 6 o'clock service. I ran into several people I know including Church_31, who I talked to for a couple of minutes. She was going to sit with her BF so that was a downer. Biding my time.

Another couple from my church growth group asked if I was heading up north to play games at the former growth group leader's house. She just got remarried and I guess I wasn't up for a night of happy couples and me -- plus the gas to get up and back.

So I didn't go to that and when nothing else panned I figured I'd save some money. I got 11 hours of sleep.

I was refreshed enough to go 5-for-5 in the title game of our industrial league tournament. We won the title for something like the sixth time in my 14 years at my job. It never gets old -- although I am.

I headed to a friend's house to watch the NFL games for a while and now I'm in at work trying to get a head start on the week. Very, very few thoughts of STBXW this weekend -- even last night when I was a little down about staying in.

Another weekend ticked off and another week coming up. I have a business networking thing Thursday where I usually meet a couple of people. Tuesday is marriage rebuilders class.

I should be getting more on the D soon. It's been more than a month since I heard anything. The only contact from STBXW this weekend came Friday night, telling me of something D11 is going to sign up for next Friday.

Life is what it is.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey good for you for resting...life doesn't always have to be about finding the next activity. Some down time is good too! Do you like to read or watch movies? I no longer make it a priority to do something. Besides, I usually have so many house chores to do on the weekends I'm hardly ever going 'what do I do next?'.

However, sometimes I do crave human interaction on the weekends when I don't have DD so I make time to talk to friends or neighbors or hanging out.

We're switching DD's schedule to one week on/off instead of this rotating 2 days on/off so once I have some more structure in place I may look into volunteering or something.

[soleil]

How is that marriage rebuilders class going CTH? Meet any fun people? Is the class helping you?

[ClingingToHope]

SR, I do love to read, but I haven't found anything lately that really grabbed me. What I really need to do is write. I have two long-term projects that I haven't found the motivation to finish.

That's really surprised me. When we split 17 months ago I thought I'd use the alone time to finish those projects -- and the energy just hasn't been there.

I'm trying. I'm back to rereading the research I'd done before. It's a step.

Sol, the Tuesday night classes are good. Saturday at church I kept running into people I've taken classes with or met through the growth group. One thing I read a long time ago is that the best way to meet someone is to cast a wide net. Do a lot of things and expand my group of friends. I'm pretty happy with how that's going. I don't want to rely on Internet sites.

There is one lady at the table. She's 32 and her husband really screwed her over. Lost his job a couple of years ago. Couldn't find another. Passed his time by blowing all their money on online gambling sites and then left seven weeks ago for North Carolina.

She was forced to file for bankruptcy and divorce. She's very pretty, but of course she's very anti, anti, anti man. I wouldn't even think of talking to her for a year or so.

Things are going well. I'm rolling at work. The money is OK. Nothing new on D front to either bring me down or make me focus on it. Although the lack of action is making me wonder.

I just now got a call from STBXW. Apparently, D8 has a couple of zeros in her file and an F. I have to admit I haven't been checking it every day in the hour that I have them. She's supposed to be doing the homework with the afterschool sitter and STBXW. Apparently, that's not happening.

Of course, rather than say, "I haven't been checking her folder and we need to do a better job," STBXW is going to demand a meeting with the teacher because she's upset with the lack of communication.

Sigh. D8 is in third grade and now has homework. It's our job as parents to stay on top of her. Instead, it sounds as if STBXW is going to go on one of her tirades. Of course, I can't avoid this meeting, but I'll keep my mouth shut. I kept it shut on the phone. Just listening. She doesn't need to know what I'm thinking.

I know, I know. Act as if. Not there yet.

[Drew]

Don't act as if. Take some action. Someone needs to make sure she does her homework. Why are you keeping your mouth shut? What purpose does that serve? How does that help your daughter?

[awest1217]

I am with Drew. Is D8 getting any consequences for her actions? She is now in 3rd grade. The teacher has everything online so you can check it everyday if you want as a parent. If there is something missing (unless the teacher is slow updating), you can find out right away. If it is that the teacher is slow updating, asking that it is updated sooner is ok, but otherwise this is on D8.

Yes as parents you should check on her because she is still a child, but she needs to start at some point to take responsibility. She needs to learn to do what is asked of her without having to be told all the time. What are the two of you going to do in order to show D8 that this is unacceptable and she needs to do her work. Maybe D8 is not bringing the stuff home so even if you did check it wouldn't be there. Does she have an agenda? If she does, one thing is to have the teacher initial it everyday that she has all her homework written in it, and you also have to initial it. Good communication on both parts because it shows that she has communicated what needs to be done, and you have communicated that you have seen what needs to be done each night and that it has gotten done.

It is up to you the consequence for D8, but at some point she has to learn that it isn't her parents' or teacher's fault for her not doing her work. There has to be some consequence.

[ClingingToHope]

Guys, we have separate lives now. My job is to make sure that D8 and D11 get the stuff they need to get done on my nights and STBXW needs to make sure they get the stuff done on her nights.

The file in D8's folder hopefully is a wakeup call to STBXW. If it continues or gets worse then I'll have to consider doing something. But I do not want a relationship where every time something goes wrong I chime in.

Especially in our relationship. Remember part of the reason we are getting divorced is that I did TOO MUCH for STBXW. She wanted control of her life.

I am not checking out of my daughters' lives. I'm purposefully respecting some boundaries.

[soleil]

CTH, maybe you can talk to the sitter to see how much homework is being done, etc.