Hello Upside and Hiswife, Snodderley has said that if they return before they have worked through their crisis they run again at some point. I also think that there is a state of 'stuckness' for many of them. They cannot work through the crisis because they cannot get beyond a certain point.
My husband did not choose us over himself, and he ran hard and fast, but I can see that the living ghost situation and the fence sitting is not good.
I think we have to focus on our selves, not in a selfish way, but surely not treating the other person in a marriage like a human being, not being committed and loving, is a form of emotional abuse, which is damaging to us.
Infidelity is also emotional abuse. I wish more people would see that, and see that it traumatizes the spouse who is abandoned. If a spouse hits their partner we can see it is abuse, but infidelity is also a tremendous blow, for which there is also no excuse. There may be reasons, but it should never be justified.
Hiswife - your husband is present in the body, but emotionally absent. Perhaps it would be better if he did go. I know that is perhaps not good DBing, but 9 years is a long time to live with an emotional zombie, and must be a most terrible strain on you and your family .
My heart really goes out to you and your courage in tolerating this.
