Ominus Bonus

[steady]

I told her one day she would be doing the dishes, hear a song, looking out the window, or some other simple or innocent thing, and suddenly she would wake up and wonder what the hell she did.She may, may not. I used to hope for that day but I don't anymore. At the time it seemed like it would be nice vindication, but I don't need that validation like I did back then. I'm in a much healthier spot in reference to my own self worth/esteem. I have gotten to a point where I'm pretty solid in self-validation and don't need it from an outside source.
But I feel solid. I like who I am. I like who I have become. I like the vision of who I am still turning into.

Hey Steady-
I trust it felt as good to write this as it did for me to read it.

It feels good to be this far into being self validating. I have more distance to travel but I feel I've passed a critical point in it.

I've talked to her in the past about the cycles we run through. We repeat them over and over until we get it right and learn what we're supposed to learn.

I've had similar conversations.
I'm hoping that this time I'm learning.
Irecognize the same problems I have had; see the pattern. The difference is THIS time I am going to do more than identify them. I am going to eradicate them as much as I can.

The funny thing is this - I've seen these patterns since I was 24. I eradicated a bunch of them in a lot of areas of my life but obviously missed many of them. Never pulled the root and only trimmed the branches.

There's still some residual in me and I'm not sure I could ever get it all out.

Otherwise you'd be perfect and always do things "right". And we know what that means and where it gets us, right?

Ah yes. Perfectionism. It's much more freeing not to be under it's thumb.