Hey NM... Thanks for filling me in! Everytime I go to read your thread I have to catch up on 6 pages! Lol. Good to see your getting support from fellow DBers. First graders must be real cute to teach! (Their parents on the other hand sound like they're driving you crazy already.) So what did Zoobrew last text you??? Its a good thing your stbxh didn't bring OW to meet his mother. .. Interesting actually! Maybe he's embarrassed of her... Homewrecker!
As for th MC, H remembered that I wanted to go to a group that I spoke to months back and they are pro relationship. He researched a few others and asked me my opinion but said the group I found seems the perfect fit. We decided to start MC in October after babys christening. But he's calling now. I'm not doing any work. He has to prove himself to me.
Hey piano, I think bub is an aussie thing but I love it. Do I have doubts... Um... I have fears... I'm scared ... Of what I don't know. Maybe the unknown I guess. In the past few months I buried my old M. Its dead. Its gone. I try hard not to make the midtakes we made a year ago. I also feel like in going hrough this tsunami of emotions I've becone more demanding of my wants and needs. I find that I want more out of a M than what we had. I gave up a lot for H to go throguh school and backed down for him to allow school to be first in his life, now, I'm either 1st or nothing. H knows this. Swears that's why he is mentioning R now instead of months ago because he knew I wasn't going to stand for a hodge podge R. Did I romaticize our R... Of course! I was convinced we loved each other like no one else... But I don't want that old R. For me its a whole lifestyle change. H is the H I fell in love with... Not the guy who spent the last two years going back to school and neglecting our M. And we have a baby now. Honestly it feels all new to me now. We are also different than we were last December... So I actually feel like this is a whole new person. Can I trust him... Yes... Like 90%. Because I know what we had. I know what we shared. I knew(past tense) this H and the love we had. So I do believe we can be stronger than ever. H knows all of this...
I've cried to him... Told him I'm scared. Also said to him what if I can't get back to the way we were. H says he feels like there is nothing we can't work through. We'll see.
I'm trusting the process. H admits he is scared mostly that he hurt me so much that I may reject him (good). And hates looking back and seeing what he did as it eats him up alive.
So we"re going to do Mc and eventually Retrovaille. My primary focus is on bub. And me. I need IC... I went and then my shrink moved away so I have to find a new one. But I think its healthy we both go seperatly. H is going back to his... Says he needs to work on being a better person stronger person for me and bub. Baby steps.
Like I mentioned above, we are starting from scratch. First date, wedding vows, honeymoon and all. My old M is gone. I want a new M just with my H. So that's just what were doing. H says he thinks I'm a strong person and can't believe how much I've grown as a person. I am probably the worst DBer, but I did what was best for me.
