You're still thinking of a false dichotomy here--either divorce or cheat. You aren't even admitting the possibility that you could fix your marriage. Not many here would recommend divorce, and the fact that they tell you that divorce is better than cheating is not an endorsement of divorce. It's an acknowledgment that cheating sucks as a solution to any problem. The reason they've told you that divorce woudl be better than your plan to cheat on your wife is because you've decided to end your marriage. You just aren't going to be the one to initiate a legal divorce. Your affair will never measure up to sex as part of a loving marriage, and the odds say the affair will end badly and you'll regret it. You'll be bucking the trend if you manage an affair that makes you happy; if you manage it, you should buy lottery tickets and draw to inside straights for the rest of your life.
The idea that you're not going to try to fix the marriage until your wife magically wakes up one day and decides that she wants to fix it (even though you have no reason to think that will happen without any changes or effort from you) is a roundabout way of saying you're not going to make any effort. The Irish had a very similar arrangement in which each side agreed that it would put an end to the troubles as soon as the other side unilaterally disarmed and declared for peace. That allowed a few hundred on each side to continue a guerilla conflict for decades until people got fed up enough to start talking and making an effort without a 100% guarantee that the other side would capitulate and do what they wanted.
Look, if your wife doesn't want to have sex, there's a reason. It might be chemical, it might be a naturally low libido, but it could be a dozen other reasons too. What it almost certainly is NOT is some kind of irrational whim or evil plot. Even if she made the first move (and you know she's not going to do that, because she could have done it long ago) that doesn't mean you wouldn't need to make changes, too. Like it or not, being the one who sees the problem means you're the one who can start to solve it.
Bottom line: Cheating on your wife is dishonest, dishonorable, and likely to leave you worse off than before. You can ask Cinco, Dancequeen (if you can find her) and others around here how that worked out for them when they tried it. Cheating on your wife means accepting your situation, refusing to stand up for yourself, and actually lowering your self-respect even further than a SSM has already left it. Don't let desperation drive you to make things worse. You can do better.
As always, this advice is worth every penny I charge for it.
