Nothing fits

[mishka422]

Exactly. I keep thinking that this is how it was when we were M'd, it's comfortable, no drama, no craziness, also though...no excitement. But that was apparently wrong because it broke. Now I find myself questioning EVERY thing I say or do or how I act. It's really horrible. Sort of like walking on eggshells without really doing that. It's impossible to explain. I keep waiting for him to come home and tell me that "It's been fun but it's time to move on. C-ya. Send me pics of Marc."

Now, I know that's crazy. He wouldn't do that....well, not exactly like that. There is just no understanding between us so it all feels so temporary and I HATE that.

There is no need to 2x4 me, I already know what my problem is but I keep thinking that I created this situation, it's not working for me, but now I can't really change it without hurting Marc. That is the last thing I will do so I will suck it up and let it ride. When Gabe leaves again he can have the responsibility of causing our son more pain. I won't do it.

So...round and round the earth spins...we keep living in pretend....all is well as long as I don't rock the boat.