I've made so many mistakes in the last 3 months. I want to blame it all on shock, and pain. When I confronted H with the fact that he was getting a bit too "friendly" with his new (2 months by then) "friend" he said he wanted a D. I asked about MC, he said no, that wouldn't work. So for the next month we coasted along, me seeing that weird look in his eyes, almost like a deer caught in headlights, and him telling me that he felt he should leave, and being extremely upset. He went on a camping trip with the Boy Scouts no less, comes home 3 days later and tells me he doesn't want to be married anymore, ILYBNILWY and that's all, he's 100% sure this is what he wants. He had been with her two days before. He leaves the next day to go back to camping, leaving me a mess, I called and raked him over the coals (bad thing), and he shows up at the house the next day, "I want to try to work this out", and without much meaning.
The next week he goes on a business trip, planned months in advance, comes home and I told him he needs to leave I can't deal with all of this, I love him want to be married to him but he has to quit seeing her, me or her. He went the next day to happily tell co-workers we are S, we have problems in our marriage. Two weeks later, he is proudly telling all who will listen, including his Mother, that he has a girlfriend! I couldn't deal with the house, and left and got an apartment. He moved back there last week, my oldest brother lives in a MIL quarters there too, so he proudly brings her to the house to meet him! I mean it's MY brother for pete's sake!!!! They have always gotten along well, and actually like each other, but come on. And it hurts that he brought her there.
I guess my point is here, other than just to vent, does anybody think there is any hope? Or what else besides GAL, working on that, and detaching, well he made that easy! We have both stopped talking to each other, the second to last call he was very hostile to me for no reason. H is so proud that he has a girlfriend, I would have thought you would have been single for that to happen? He has been to a L, and got all the info he needed, but did not file as of yet, as far as I know. It was 3 weeks ago when he went. I don't know if this is just an affair, or MLC. He has been aggressive with me lately, very unlike him, he's keep it to himself type (think that's backfiring on him now). My brother says he is not happy, and when I saw him 4 weeks ago, he sure didn't look like it to me, or maybe it was that he was telling me he loves her, and hasn't loved me for many years? I know that the guilt is very much on his mind. We have been very involved in our Church for the last 16 years, and he knows what God says about all of this too.
I quit calling him a month ago, and he stopped 2 weeks ago. He also was very concerned about my move, talked to several people about it, which is also strange to me, when this is what he wanted. He says he still cares about what happens to me. He does not know where I am living, not that I think he would come around.
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
I do not want a D, I want to try to work it out. I have been dark, not really that long I haven't called him in a month, and he hasn't called me for two weeks. I had left it up to him to call, I called him a month ago to get some financial things worked out. He has been to a L, but I don't think he filed when he was there, he was probably just getting the info. He knows that I am not going to stand for it, and that it's wrong. He is also in "hiding" from everyone, screens his calls and such. He has always picked up my calls though, surprises me!
Thanks for the advice soleil.
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
My best advice. You need to dig deep and kick his a$$ to the curb. Firmly state your boundary that "you will not be disrespected and be in an open marriage... and file for D. He wants it so let him have it... Go dark. Make your bucket list and start living... if after you have found your self-worth you still think he's worth it and he wants to try then decide.
My best advice. You need to dig deep and kick his a$$ to the curb. Firmly state your boundary that "you will not be disrespected and be in an open marriage...
