I know this will be a long process and I know my W is watching and testing me. My sitch didn't happen over night and it will not get solved over night. That is why I think that it is okay to have a communication strategy by learning from past mistakes.
I am GALing and using the alt as a means of communication as well. I also realize that this may not go as I want therefore I must detach. To me detach means that I may love my W, but I am at a place emotionally where I do not need her and that I am okay if she chooses to move on without me.
I won't put too much stock in the "thank you", but she didn't have to reply at all so there is a little positive note to take out of it. This is her third email in 10 weeks and two the last two weeks....momentum ;-)
I know what my W wants and that is the athletic physically fit M who is intelligent and funny when she first met me. I let most of that go the last few years...and heck I would have left me too. So I am in better shape working out and lifting weights. The b-day email showed humor in the face of this sitch and I have handled most (not the first few days) of our communication with thought and not emotion.
I think I am doing okay as well. I am not fighting this battle on only one front and and being inflexible. You have to be willing to adjust.
Most of her friends are from the university and since I am not from Hartford most of my friends are from work. We sort of had independent lives in regard to school and work. We spent a great deal of time with each other unless I traveled.
I spoke with her sister when she first left and told her about everything. I have since been told that it was not a good idea that I spoke to her family...clingy and manipulative so I have not spoken with them since.
I agree with that completely. I was just trying to understand how disconnected you really are.
I was thinking that after awhile and few pounds less you could throw a party so I was thinking how you could extend the invitation without being pushy about it.
No we are really disconnected. I'm not from here and neither is she and our families are away from us. Her friends were from school and mine from work and she was so occupied with school the last 4 years the only social things we did we did with each other.
That is why the email and possibly Fb are so valuable and why I am trying to take full advantage of both. I could sit back and GAL and detach hoping my W makes a move and hope that I am detached enough that is will not matter when she does move (if ever). However, I would rather GAL, Detach and use counter-intuitive measures as well and anything else in the DB arsenal and at least if I fail I can say I tried.
Well my W finally made a move. She emailed me today at 9:55 and asked for a D. Beleieve it or not I was not shaken, but rather calm. I responed back "Okay, I agree. I want you to be happy and I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me." So I guess we are headed down the D path. It should be simple and we had a pre-nup before we got M.
So I guess I need to consult a L just ensure the financials are in order. You know my W never contributed to the bills and what not. I let her use her $$ to pay for school and her car. She graduated from a private school debt free and her car paid for. I wonder if theres a way to recoup some expenses. I know vindictive thoughts, but I might as well put them here than to verbally express them.
