I may have missed this info on this or another thread, but Wonka, have you described what happened and what your thought processes were like when you went through Depression, Withdrawal, and Acceptance? If so, would you please kindly refer me to that post? If not, would you please consider sharing that info here?
Depression:
The various levels of depression entered in my mindset from the time of my grandmother's death in May 1999 (the traumatic event that was the harbinger of my MLC) until I dropped the bomb on my XW on her birthday in May 2003.
The depression that resulted from my grandmother's death was two-fold: felt as if I lost my rudder and my ship was aimless. Even more painful was the fact that I was not able to attend her funeral due to work commitments. The funeral was a big deal in my town...she was the family matriarch and all of her grandchildren attended the funeral. Some even acted as pallbearers. I grieved for my grandmother for years and years. I even refused to go to her gravesite even if I visited my hometown during holidays.
The second part of my depression was when my XW and I bought our first house in the Fall of 2002. I felt an overwhelming burden as a new homeowner and feeling responsible for it. There was also a niggling feeling of being hoodwinked. "Eh...so I bought a beautiful home, have a great job, great looking wife (former sorority sister)...how come I don't feel as if I am on the top of the world?" A huge let down in my mind. That set off another mini-series of depression. So coupled this with the on-going grieving of my grandmother...it felt as if I was living in a pressure cooker. I had to get out FAST!!!!
I struggled with the depression and the intense desire to run away from it all. I wanted to be left alone. And yes, I worked longer and longer hours as a means of escape. It was during that time that I developed an EA with my OW. My XW certainly noticed that I was spending a lot of time with this OW and objected to it. But, silly me, I was having none of it! My depression and silly mind wanted OUT. When I came home from work on my XW's birthday....she was expecting a birthday card, dinner...etc.
Instead...I dropped the bomb on her birthday! Certainly did not get the BEST SPOUSE IN THE WORLD award ever! I had no empathy or feeling whatsoever. Did all the silly MLC stuff....going out at all hours, coming home when I wanted to....sleeping on the edge of the bed...hogging my cell phone/pager...talking and texting my OW alllll the time.
My fog really thickened from the bomb dropping (May 2003) until it cleared out sometime around March 2004. I was a menace!
Withdrawal:
I wanted to get the h@ll out of my house and away from everyone. So I increased my work hours as a means of escape and acquired OW. Even contemplated renting an apartment for myself. My contacts with friends and family members pretty much petered off. It was during this stage that I was alternatively nasty and gentle with my XW. It was a lot like Jekyell/Hyde. It was not conscious at all. Unfortunately since XW was near me and my spouse, I yelled at her and was ornery a lot of the time. It was due to the fact that I was experiencing a great deal of discomfort and wanted that feeling gone. Did not know how to cope with it at all. And empathy went downhill!
Yet at the same time....I was encouraged and grateful that my XW was still "there." There were very, very few times when I was affectionate with my XW. These types of affection included just hugs. NO kisses. XW was, bless her heart, kind and compassionate with me throughout my journey. Although I must tell you this: XW was excellent with boundary setting. When she got cross or did not appreciate certain behaviors, she'd let me know in uncertain terms. I listened to her.
The only thing I refused to listen to her was her entreaties to enter MC or even read the book she bought The Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil. I was not the problem so why should I care? On top of this...I became a LD person. It nearly dropped to non-existent levels. XW confronted me over this aspect and I brushed her off.
Acceptance:
It is very hard to pinpoint precisely when acceptance occurred. In my situation, acceptance came after the fog lifted. I recall when the fog lifted from my brain. It was a lot similar to the Claritin commercials you see on tv. Bingo! The fog seemed to peel off on its own and the clarity was shocking to me. I recall asking..."What happened here? Where have I been?" When the fog went away, I could feel myself again. The old Wonka is back.
In my case, acceptance did not happen overnight. It came gradually and I came to the realization that I am "okay"---and can handle adult responsibilities without feeling the need to be overly burdened. At a subconscious level, I came to terms with my parents' divorce at aged 11. It was never verbalized. But I came to the slow realization that my parents, in all of their imperfections, were wonderful human beings who just could not make their marriage work and it was [b] not my fault at all[b]. I carried an internalized guilt over my parents' M break-up for years and years into my adult years. Like any other child of divorce, I felt that I was responsible for the marriage breakdown and thought I alone was able to save their marriage.
Certainly did not get the BEST SPOUSE IN THE WORLD award ever! I had no empathy or feeling whatsoever. Did all the silly MLC stuff....going out at all hours, coming home when 
