I am a mix of both. Ex had an affair shortly after we got married. It lasted about 2 years. I found out when she called me. I didn't talk to him for about a month(that's going dark!!). Then I had a bad accident with a deer and rolled my car.
The accident got me thinking. I did still love him and he promised never to hurt me like this again(this last time was way worse). We also had fertility issues which played into my forgiving him. We went on to have 4 kids. We had to use fertility drugs for our first 3, number 4 was a complete surprise.
I am not sure if he had more affairs before this last one, doesn't really matter. I do know that he was fairly disconnected from the family for the last few years we were together. He had a hard time with our youngest as she had frequent meltdowns.
So it worked for fifteen years before it fell apart for good.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
