Thanks Mila...you said exactly what I was thinking.
And in the past he has always been the one to leave. Thats why Im thinking it may be in my best interest to ask him to leave this time. But what holds me back is that "what if". What if he really doesnt want to leave deep down? Its there, in the back of my mind, a nagging thought that wont go away.
Although, I feel as if that is not the case.
My gut is saying he is a cheating, liar that will never change. My heart wishes for something different.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
But what holds me back is that "what if". What if he really doesnt want to leave deep down? Its there, in the back of my mind, a nagging thought that wont go away
I'm sorry sweetie, I'm not sure what the right answer is, only you can figure it out.
From many possible scenarios, there is one that you may want to consider.
What if you sat down with him and told him calmly and honestly how you feel and what kind of behavior you would expect from him to be able to rebuild your trust in him and rebuild your marriage. Suggest marriage counseling to help with that and give him a warning that it's not working for you the way it is.
See what his reaction is...that may tell you a lot
If he doesn't want to leave don't you think he would try to do anything to make changes?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I had thought about that Mila. I did ask for us to go to Marriage counseling, to help us through this....he said he didnt like that idea at all. That it didnt help us before...but before we were in a different place I thought. I really dont think he wants it to work. I honestly feel like he has someone in mind that he would date when he left...someone that would make him feel good for a while. I know thats how its been before. He cant be alone for long.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak - I'm so sorry....this is so though on you....but I'm sure that when the time is right, you will do what's right for you. Take good care of yourself hun.
((((hugs))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
So sorry for what you are going through. I do agree that you should trust your gut feeling. They are usually true. As far as your H is concerned, that's your call, but here again, follow your gut.
I try to remember that nothing that is worth it is easy. You don't want to put yourself in the position of his cake-eating.
Now, easier said than done, and I hope I have the courage to follow through my own advice, should the time ever come. ((HUGS))
Punkin, I know how you feel. Its easier to give advice than take your own. If it were me giving the advice on my sitch...Id say tell him to leave. You deserve a man that is gonna love you for who you are and what you stand for. Now why cant I just DO IT?? Why cant I just take my own advice?
Im wondering how it would go if I asked him to just move out for a while. Let us have some space to think?
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
You can keep asking the why questions. When are you going to answer them?
Don't answer for me either...I'm just some Rican in CT. Answer them for YOURSELF.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric...I wish I could answer those questions. But I guess like everyone else, I will have to make a decision and make it the right one for me.
H is really acting crazy lately. I cant figure it out, not that Im supposed to, but its annoying.
Yesterday we fault over what kind of jelly he likes on his sandwiches. I told him last night he could fix his own from now on! He was almost in a "picking on me" mood yesterday afternoon. It was like he was angry, yet it was coming out in a childish, immature way. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry at some of his comments. All this seems to be just so out of character for him.
I have a feeling he was snappy over what my FB status said day before yesterday. He must have just saw it. I had put that it would be nice to be on the recieving end of getting flowers once in a while....Well, I had a couple of guys that he dont like say that I defintly deserved them and one even wanted to know where to send them (jokingly of course)!! But IM guessing he didnt like that. He did ask me in a not so nice voice if I had made anybodys day by sending them flowers. All I said was "I sure hope so"!!
He left later after that for a meeting...he sent me several texts saying I was being mean to him.
???I am being MEAN to HIM??? I just told him he was being mean to me. HE said no, I was being meaner...I just told him that I just think he wants me to be meaner.
I felt like I was dealing with a child yesterday. I wonder if he is trying to make me run him off, so he can blame me for that too! This is getting ridiculas! Where is this man that was here just 6 or 7 weeks ago???
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I felt like I was dealing with a child yesterday. I wonder if he is trying to make me run him off, so he can blame me for that too! This is getting ridiculas! Where is this man that was here just 6 or 7 weeks ago???
Step back and avoid the drama as much as absolutely possible. You HAVE to remain calm, stay even keeled and not get caught up in this back and forth stuff.
More importantly you have to shift your focus back toward you.
How he reacts to your FB status is his to own. Your status was honest as you went about your flower delivering business. There is nothing wrong with being honest.
You may never figure him out, dear. Try not to focus on him but rather on yourself and the kids.
*hugs* ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
