So, our romantic getaway isnt happening this week. H cant get away. After ignoring the fact that the trip wa planned for this Thursday and not mentioning anything about it, today he came with answer. I asked him over the weekend if he could go or not because Iknew he was facing a crisis at work. He asked me how I feel about it. I said I am disapointed but I understand. I wouuld do the same, only it is...work again. He validated etc etc. Too many issues tangled with each other. This weekend we tried to make love. Tried cause we couldnt. He initiated but something didnt...click. He was holding me tight and he put he hands in my hair pulling face to his chest, felt like his little breakthrough of somekind. I had a dejavu (sp?) of a momnet 3 years ago, started crying. I regrouped immediately.
A year into piecing and things arent...right yet, you know? SO many sticky reminders, the lies still cut me deeply. I am looking for the reason why I cant let go. Am I playing the victim, trying to punish him emotionally? I am caring and compassionate, logically I can identify where/when things got out of hand for him, but still...
Ali mentioned jealousy. I was never the jealous type. Guess what? I am now jeallous. Not of him now. Of him then, of her.
H is a good looking, successful man. WHat happens down the road when a 25 yr old woman starts pursuing him? Why cant he be passionate about me? Why dont I hear words of appreciation for the patience, the understanding, the chance he got?
On the other hand, this weekend he started kissing me and caressing at a christening where people from my work were. I was pleasantly suprised.
