1 cent: use email much closer to the move time, a month or two. No reason to L up simply to let him know you are moving. "X, I'll be moving to Cottagetown in about six weeks. I thought I'd give you a heads up now as I recognize this may affect your visitation schedule. Please let me know which your assigned dates you plan to visit, and we'll set something up in Cottagetown. And, if you are otherwise in the area and want to visit, let me know ahead of time and I'll see if something will work. Hope you are well, Barb"
2 cent: Your kids need a relationship with their father. Period. Quit calling the woman maggot in your own head. It isn't good for you or your kids. Your M ended because of your XH's choices, and my guess is that you would have ended it on your own eventually. Rather than giving your kids a mealy-mouthed "make up your own minds" when they know DARN WELL it makes you feel good that they reject her isn't enough. "Kids, the M has long been over. The problems in the M predate XH's current wife. Her involvement was more of a symptom than a cause of the M's failure. I have no desire to have personal relationships with them, but I think it is important for you to. And, it is really OK. I WANT you to have a good R with your Dad and part of that will mean accepting his current life. Give him a chance, accept him, see where you are in 6 months, but until then have an open mind. You can always reevaluate. Right now, you have adolescent impressions and feelings that are located waaaayyyyy in the past. Now you are adults. Your father loves you. Give the R a chance, you can always choose your own boundaries every step of the way. But I really think it would be best for you in the long run if you try and open mind and open heart for a decent period of time. Years from now, you will understand how important this is. Now is the time. I don't need or want you to protect me about this. It isn't your job and besides I don't even need it anymore. I'm fine. I've accepted things and moved forward in my life. Please know that I want you to do the same, encourage you to do the same, hope you do the same and wind up with a fuller and happier family life."
You know it is time for them to do this Barb. And you know they are protecting you. Let them go and point them in the right direction.
Yes, you can swear at me and throw things at my post. But, at least let it sink in and work on you for awhile. You know what you need to do. Your choice how to get there. But you can be a strong positive force when you want to. You don't need to let anger and hatred for XH and his W to color your life even a little bit anymore.
