Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[TimeHeals]

I will back off and detach so that if she can miss me

Wrong motivation. Your motivation is still to manipulate her toward a particular outcome according to that statement.

The reason to accept that you cannot control her choices is because that is just reality and it is healthy.

The reason to back off and go dim is so that you can heal yourself from this codependent reasoning... among other things.

As coach pointed out... a healthy John will be attractive (confident, happy, like himself, and be charming, so healthy John would not be so suprised his own wife might be attracted to him, and yet he would be amazed by it at the same time--smile).