Then what do I do? I feel like GAL and detaching is only preparing me for a D and I want to save my M! I understand that my W has to take her own journey and if she returns on her own then begin to work on R and M.
However, w/o children or a reason to communicate I am afraid that the only distination that this M is headed to is D. So I might as well start legal action. I am using alt in the hopes that she is looking at it, but that is a slim hope.
Regarding the emails, I just want to say that I keep all the emails I get and there's nothing sentimental about it, I just don't delete them in general. She might not want to go through the hassle of deleting them?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I know, but she at least opened them up and read them. I guess I will stay dark for a while and them email her about the tv commercial about her hospital and floor she works on. GAL and detach until they are a memory and it doesn't matter anymore what happens.
My W sent me a "Thank you" today for the email Birthday wish that I sent her last Friday. The last time she responded to the Doctor's appointment I overracted with 3 or 4 emails. I think this time I am thinking LRT and then bring up in a week or two the commercial that I saw where she works.
You're trying to control/influence her actions, which is counterproductive. The idea behind GAL is that you are better off regardless of the fate of your relationship.
What you need to do is really let her go. She might come back if she finds the grass isn't greener, or she might move on. Either way, you have no influence. All the little emails you send won't change that. Let her go. Hardest thing you'll ever do, but if you don't, she'll be gone anyway.
Absolutely you have influence. The reason people get stuck is because they feel hopeless and they grasp for straw (babysteps). You are being watched by your wives, I promise. Focus on the process not the outcome.
Get your mojo back so that you thrive regardless of the outcome. Then you will see the influence you have on those around you. The problem is you guys don't understand what woman want. What's attractive to a woman? Never lose sight of that.
Do you guys know what it takes to let go? What are you letting go of? Why is that attractive?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I understand and that is what I am working on, but opening up communication can't hurt. I am not trying to control her...I didn't aske her to respond and in fact I didn't think she would.
I am GALing and I do feel better about me and my sitch. But PH I have been told by other relationship guru's that a line of communication has to remain open if a M is to survive. I read MWD book and she insists that you have to try a variety of tools, take stock of the outcome then redeploy.
I know I have to GAL and detach. My M is hanging by a spider web strand, but if I do not achieve my desired result at least I have GAL. My W has given a gift of time so when and if she does move I hope to be able to address whatever comes at me with thought and not emotion.
Absolutely you have influence. The reason people get stuck is because they feel hopeless and they grasp for straw (babysteps). You are being watched by your wives, I promise. Focus on the process not the outcome.
Get your mojo back so that you thrive regardless of the outcome. Then you will see the influence you have on those around you. The problem is you guys don't understand what woman want. What's attractive to a woman? Never lose sight of that.
Do you guys know what it takes to let go? What are you letting go of? Why is that attractive?
Gotta love Coach.
Now read this over and over again.
I periodically go back to my own thread and re-read similar quotes. It is amazing when you get to the point where you can objectively see the results of your own work and don't dwell on the outcome any longer.
I am GALing and using NC/LRT/Dark as a means to detach. Physically I am detached I have no choice and emotionally I am getting better. I don't think I am controlling my W or manipulating her. She didn't have to respond, but she did so that is positive. The cupcake humor thanks to you and TH should confidence.
I don't think it is wrong to use a little strategy. The last time she responded I overwhelmed her with emails and this time I won't. I plan to email her in a few weeks about the tv commercial. Coach said a little warmth will melt the ice. That is all I am doing.
I am GALing till the cows come home. I can't afford all of the new clothes and since I lost 10 inches from my waist I look like a raggy saggy baggy....
I think you're doing fine. I know how hard it is to hold yourself back in situations like that. Every little smile or thank you seems like an indication that things may turn around but sometimes that's all they are - a smile and a thank you.
Once you totally accept that reality you'll start seeing things more clearly and that's where the work starts paying off.
It DOES pay off. If WAW does not turn around at least you YOURSELF are out of the fog, feeling good and ready to lead your life.
