I too have been on this journey for far too long. 9 years and counting. This thread was interesting to read. My H has been home now for 9 years. There are no more OW's and havent been since he returned but there is really nothing else either. Today at this point in time I really have to consider if a marriage is supposed to be put back together after going thru MLC/infidelities. Maybe I was supposed to let it go back then. I find myself wondering where my life would be if I would have made different decisions back then. I recall being so happy he "chose" our family over "her" that I dont believe I really thought it all through.
We live like roommates. We get along well and work well together in household/ family things. But that is all. He never really returned to ME at all. I guess I just dont compare to the OW and to him I am not worth a real marriage. He blames it on my weight ( chubby but not obese) but my couselor has done a good job of helping me to see that if not the weight it would be something else. He liked who he was in his fantasy life and doesnt like the reality of who he really is. It is easier to rewrite history and leave out all the bad and he could have chosen that but he came home and put us in this half in/half out world.
I find myself wondering which situation would be worse. Staying with a man that cannot get over himself enough to participate in a marriage or the financial ruin a divorce would cause.
I am back in counseling trying just to work on me. I dont know how I became so scared to make a decision. Why I keep thinking that today will be the today he finally gets it.....
