I'm kind of in a gray area right now that I think I need some advice on.
Since W and I have divided everything up, the only thing left to do is take it to a L and have the S agreement drawn up. That will happen within the next two weeks.
Right now, we're in a good place. She is happy because she got an agreement with me, and I'm happy because the stress is gone and I'm free of this torment. We ML for the first time in 4 months two days ago. I think we're "feeling the love" again.
I'm not sure how to proceed with my interactions with her. Should I go semi-dark and only engage her on kid stuff when she calls? I think that I should. But how should I be when she calls? Happy? Cold? Dark? Apathetic? I don't know at this point. Since we are feeling close again, I'm not sure how I should react or act.
Both of our minds are in the same place - work on ourselves to get us strong enough to where we can begin working on this M again if possible. Her words were, "We need to work on ourselves a lot. Figure out how to be whole again and not co-dependent. Then we can look at each other again and see if we can work this out. We can't right now. But, we have a lot of history together and I love you so deeply that if we can get strong again I think we can work on us. We'd have to get a buttload of MC, IC and probably Retrouvaille too."
Not sure how to act at this point. I'm in uncharted territory.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm kind of in a gray area right now that I think I need some advice on.
Since W and I have divided everything up, the only thing left to do is take it to a L and have the S agreement drawn up. That will happen within the next two weeks.
Right now, we're in a good place. She is happy because she got an agreement with me, and I'm happy because the stress is gone and I'm free of this torment. We ML for the first time in 4 months two days ago. I think we're "feeling the love" again.
I'm not sure how to proceed with my interactions with her. Should I go semi-dark and only engage her on kid stuff when she calls? I think that I should. But how should I be when she calls? Happy? Cold? Dark? Apathetic? I don't know at this point. Since we are feeling close again, I'm not sure how I should react or act.
Both of our minds are in the same place - work on ourselves to get us strong enough to where we can begin working on this M again if possible. Her words were, "We need to work on ourselves a lot. Figure out how to be whole again and not co-dependent. Then we can look at each other again and see if we can work this out. We can't right now. But, we have a lot of history together and I love you so deeply that if we can get strong again I think we can work on us. We'd have to get a buttload of MC, IC and probably Retrouvaille too."
Not sure how to act at this point. I'm in uncharted territory.
Do exactly what you were doing before she wigged out on you. She's got you wrapped around her finger again!
John read up on lovingly detach again. For my sitch, I have not been cold, but I havent been a doormat either. I think TH puts it the best, we arent going to be buddies. I am getting the same speech from my W, she says I am trying to have a personal relationship with you and you shove me off.
IF she feels that way, then it is what it is. I suggest something along the same lines, when you say you guys are feeling the love again, it sounds obsessing to me. I feel that your expectations are still too high. Re read your thread a few times I think you will answer all the questions to your last post.
This reminds me of something I read once... "I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I LOVE THIS QUOTE. I might have to make it my siggy
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
^ I have it posted one of my docs at work to read every day to remind myself of how I got where I am at and where I want to be going. LOL.
John, IMO, you guys are not "feeling the love" again. You guys just had a helluva weekend where you both decided to part ways and then see if you can work things out. At this point, you need to carry on aws if it's over. Expect nothing right now. As far as how to act... you act the way you would treat someone you have a business deal with... polite, good dmanners, but no overly sweet/angry. When she calls, be nice, but not overly so. No R talks, no M talks...strictly "business." You said you guys are figuring out how to divide things and/or already came up with ana greement.
Go see a L. Soon.
You still have not detached. You did do some awesome things but the way you are talking (well, posting) makes it very clear you are not there yet. I know i'ts easier seaid than done but from your posts it still sounds like you have blinders on.
Protect yourself. She sounds very like a firecracker and not in a good way either.
You cannot make her feel anything. She has to want those things herself. The sooner you accept that, the better things will be for you in the future.
No R talk, state your boundaries clearly and STICK to them. Right now she thinks and knows she can manipulate you any which way she wants. You are not her doll to play with.
Agree. You need to stop trying to control how she feels. You still seem ready to reconcile. You need to wait and see if she comes around to that point of view. At this time mind your own life and stay out of hers. She knows where to find you if she has a change of heart. She knows about MC and she knows what Retrouvaille is like. If she wants them she can contact you. The ball is not in your court. Don't swing at it.
You NEED her to MISS you? Why? Will you die? You need oxygen... except for rare, less than 4 minute intervals.
You need food and water.
You don't need somebody to miss you.
More importantly, you need to make her feel something? You can't. This is controlling, codependent behavior. Know where you end and somebody else begins.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
